As I Am
by yesimjade
Summary: "I've always struggled to bite my tongue, and eventually, I stopped wanting to all together. I'd snip at anyone who tried to cross my path and snap when they took a step too far. Until he came around." She's smart, sarcastic, and a hell of a lot deeper than people care to see. Centered around the life and relationships of Jade West.
1. Chapter One

**So… hi. For those of you who know me, look! Jade finally got her act together and posted something. I'm a really good procrastinator. Like, I'm currently procrastinating actually finishing editing the chapter to write this A/N, and technically I was writing the chapter in the first place to procrastinate doing homework. I know, I know, it's a real problem. I'm working on it.**

 **Shout out to CrazySerena13, whose amazing story Victoriously Jade inspired me to write my own.**

 **Anyway, here it is, my first story.**

 **Disclaimer: If I owned Victorious, the show would have revolved around Jade/Bade and probably would have scarred children for life… so no, I don't own Victorious or anything else you may recognize.**

Chapter One: But Not You

What a plot twist you were. _-Unknown_

 _..._

I've always struggled to bite my tongue, and eventually, I stopped wanting to altogether. The effect I had on those around me slowly became satisfying, and the fearless facade that came with being in charge of myself was a new sensation that soon became a need rather than a want; I'd snip at anyone who tried to cross my path and snap when they took a step too far. Until he came around.

Nothing I said wiped that somehow infatuating grin off his face, and it bothered me to no end. He stood his ground in the middle of my path, and even when I'd dodge one way and try to run another, he always managed to catch me before I got away.

Beck Oliver was an obstacle, and he was a damn good one, most unfortunately for me.

...

"No," she snaps with the slam of her locker the second she notices his presence. She's grabbing her history textbook before first period only to find him hovering behind her, and while he still has yet to speak, she really doesn't want to hear it.

"I just wanted to talk to you about what Ms. Rhodes said at rehearsal yesterday," he says.

She ignores him and strides through the hall, long brown waves spilling down her back and around her shoulders.

"Hey!" He taps her shoulder, and she spins around with a glare at should have made him jump, run, scream, or cry. Maybe a combination of all four. However, he stands his ground.

"Never touch me." Her tone holds an ice that could send shivers up even the devil's spine.

He just continues, "Okay, I promise. But we have to do that assignment this weekend whether you like it or not. We're friends, right? For God's sake, we've eaten lunch together every day for the past six months and we play a couple in the play. You can't avoid me forever." While he doesn't move from his spot in front of her, he puts his hands at his side to show her the space she demanded, because if there's one thing he's determined never to be (well, besides an accountant), it's _that_ kind of douche-bag.

"First of all, nobody's my friend. I don't like that word, and also I didn't ask you to sit at my table. You invited yourself there. Second of all, it's a musical, not a play. Learn your theatre terminology. And third, we'll talk about the assignment later." She catches herself before she can shift uncomfortably. _What can make him leave?_ "But if you don't leave me alone, I'll string you from the ceiling by that stupid necklace you're always wearing."

"Nah."

"Excuse me?"

"You wouldn't do that."

 _Walk away, just walk away._ But dammit, she's stubborn too, maybe even more so than him, and refuses to give him the last word.

"You don't know me." She shakes her hair out of her face, pursing her lips as she crosses her arms.

"You'd lose your role," he carries on. "And as well as I think you'd fit in with the jail crowd, I think you'd find it creatively limiting in there."

"Hm... Who's to say I'd get caught?" Her turquoise eyes shift, a mischievous glint replacing her previous glare. "But on the off chance that I did, somehow I don't think I would be lacking in creative ways to get rid of you, because something tells me you'd still find a way to bug me even after you were dead. I could glean lots of inspiration off my fellow prisoners, and maybe teach them a few things myself, because my brain already has a list of options that could wrap around the block. I suggest you watch your back and don't come near me again." Before he can argue, she marches away, and it's not until she's about to walk into history class that she realizes her hands are shaking, her heart is pounding, and her head is racing.

She sits at her desk, trying to calm down. In her black journal, she scribbles two sentences before the teacher walks in, thus beginning class.

...

'Nobody here should be able to throw me off my game like that. Why does he always have to be so infuriating?'

...

He's in three of her classes; English, math, and science. Somehow, even in this second semester, he's managed to remain a hot topic of conversation. She really hadn't cared and felt no need to associate with him, but on the second day of eighth grade, or the new boy's second day at Hollywood Arts Middle School, he ended up at her lunch table.

" _Who said you could sit here?" she says, giving him a sharp and, if he's not mistaken, slightly disgusted look. Her cold tone would have startled him if he hadn't heard her go off on some kids before English class that morning or yell at some boy in math yesterday afternoon. Granted, the kid yesterday had made several sexist and just downright disgusting remarks towards her,_ _giving the girl every good reason to tell him off, but the students in advanced literature at ten o'clock this morning had merely looked in her direction for a second too long before she began to verbally berate them. However harsh and disproportionate her comments may have been in that particular moment, and however unnecessary her unwelcoming attitude towards his joining her lunch table seems to be, he admires her spirit. She's unapologetically herself, and her seemingly confident nature is endearing, he thinks, not to mention mysterious._

" _I did," Andre says._

" _Why?" she retorts._

 _Andre ignores her question. "That's Jade," he introduces, his voice smooth, though with a hint of amusement buried hopefully deep enough that Jade would fail to notice._

 _She does notice, and her glare now moves back and forth between the two boys standing in front of her._

" _And that's Cat." Andre avoids Jade and her piercing eyes by transferring his attention to the small, bubbly girl also sitting at the table._

" _Hi hi!" Cat exclaims, her dark curls bouncing on her shoulders._

" _Nice to meet you. I'm Beck," the boy replies, waving a hand in greeting. He gives both girls a smile as he sits down beside Andre._

" _I've heard," Jade speaks up and gives a sarcastic smile. Beck locks his eyes with hers for a momentary stare down._

" _Beck's in my history class and just moved here. Since he had a lot of girls at his table yesterday, I asked if I could sit with him, you know, cause they're hot and stuff…" Andre trails off and clears his throat awkwardly as Jade's pointed glare has moved from Beck back to him. "Anyway, he said he'd rather sit with us. I still don't understand why you would want to get away from all that." He turns to face Beck with an inquisitive look._

 _Beck just shrugs. "It's fine for a while, but there were so many of them yesterday that I didn't even get a chance to eat my lunch. A boy's got to eat," he says, taking a bite of his hamburger._

" _I didn't see you telling them off," Jade cuts in._

" _Oh, so you've been observing me?" Jade shoots him yet another glare, which he swears he's already grown so used to in the last two minutes that it's more ineffective on him than it was the first time. "I strive to be a nice person," he adds with a smirk, somehow still managing to come off as nonchalant._

" _So Beck, where are you from?" Cat interjects, her dark eyes wide with innocence._

" _I just moved from-" But he's cut off by Jade's abrupt decision to stand up._

" _I'm leaving." She swings her bag over her shoulder and marches away._

" _Don't mind her. She's… well, she's Jade," says Andre._

" _So I've noticed. Anyway, I'm from Vancouver, Canada."_

" _Oh my God, Canada!" Cat exclaims. "Wait… where's Canada?"_

 **There it is, chapter one of As I Am. This is basically going to be Jade's story (mostly cannon) starting in eighth grade. I've got SO many ideas and am looking forward to sharing them. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I would love to hear your feedback/critique :)**

 **-Jade**


	2. Chapter Two

**This chapter is a continuation of the flashback of the first semester. I think the next two chapters after this are also going to be continuation flashbacks, and then we'll be back in present day (aka the second semester of eighth grade). I'm also going to give a language warning from here until forever. Nothing obscene, but the story is rated T for a reason.**

 **Disclaimer: If I owned Victorious, it would have gotten a real fourth season. Or at the very least a proper finale. Boo.**

Chapter Two: I Know Something Here

We pretend that we just don't care

But we care

 _-Lorde_

…

" _Hey man. Who's that?" Andre asks, and Jade takes a single glance upwards. Beck approaches their usual table, holding the hand of a blonde girl dressed in the most hideous-_ Wait, this bitch? God, what is my life? A TV show?

" _Guys, this is my girlfriend, Emily. Emily, these are my friends Andre, Cat, and Jade."_

" _Not your friend," Jade mutters, refusing to look back up where she's scribbling in her journal once again._

" _Hey, Emily." Andre waves a hand._

" _Hiiiii!" Cat smiles._

" _I don't like her." Jade's voice is bored._

" _You know, you don't have to be rude all the time," says Beck._

" _I'm only being honest."_

" _Then I'll be honest, too," Emily pipes up, putting her free hand on her hip. "I don't like you, either, Jade. You planted cockroaches in my backpack and locker last year just because you were jealous I got the lead in Singing In The Rain." Jade's head snaps up and she gives a sadistic smirk._

" _Undeserving people, most unfortunately, get roles far more often than they should in this industry. And while you cannot prove I did anything, you should have been happy to finally have some friends of your own kind."_

" _Really, Jade? Was that necessary?" Beck admonishes._

" _If you could only hear my side of the story."_

" _Then tell-" but Emily cuts Beck off._

" _Come on, Becky, we're going to sit with my friends. They aren't sabotagers." She drags him away with one last glare at Jade to a table of girls dressed in outfits as equally hideous as Emily's._

" _Jade, you scared her away," Cat says with a frown._

" _Good."_

" _You need to drop this. I know you were upset that you didn't get the lead and that Jacob broke up with you, but that doesn't give you the right to have done that," Andre speaks._

" _I didn't want the lead. Kathy is a boring character and her awful Lucky Star song makes me want to shove scissors in my ears. You know what I've said happened last year, but you still refuse to believe me. I have nothing left to say. Beck can figure out for himself what kind of girl she is."_

" _A nice, normal girl who got sucked into your jealous lie?"_

" _Think what you want." Jade turns back to her journal._

…

' _Two weeks into school and he already has a girlfriend. Typical. And of course it just has to be fucking Emily. I know I'm right, so if nobody wants to believe me, they'll just have to find out for themselves.'_

…

' _I call bullshit to Beck's second day of school proclamation where he was all "a boy's got to eat" or whatever. The asshole was just playing disinterested so the girls would be more into him. However middle school logic works, he got his wish. It's been two weeks since Andre decided to see if he can pick up one of Emily's Bitch Squad members and a week and a half since Cat claimed they're all "so colorful and happy" (even though they treat her like crap) before leaving me blessedly alone during lunch for the first time since second grade. So I've claimed "our" lunch table as mine, and nobody is allowed back until they apologize for all being idiots and not believing me. I would love to destroy Emily The Slut, but if I do something to her now, it's going to reflect poorly upon me and me only. I know, I actually thought of the consequences to my actions for once. And I sound like my mother. Oh God. I actually have time during school to write in here now that I don't have people talking at me every two seconds about things I would rather not know. Like during the first week of school when Cat told me how her brother once peed in the trash can because he wanted to make garbage soup? What the fuck does that even mean? I could have gone my whole life not knowing that. I don't miss shit like that. At all. Anyway, even though patience isn't my… most prominent quality, I'll wait. They'll see.'_

…

' _My mother is forcing me to go to the beach this weekend (probably because she wants to show off her new spin class body to all the filthy, hairy men that lay around with their stomachs out). Eli decided to be over enthusiastic about the trip and yell "Jade, are you coming?" with such excitement that my mother decided that I would just die if I didn't spend some "much needed" time in the fresh air and sunshine. Five year olds are annoying, but I also hate disappointing my little brother. When mom and dad got divorced a few months ago, he was so confused and sad. I'm not screwing up his happiness again. But God, I hate the sun. And the ocean. And the filthy animals that live in it. Especially dolphins. Fucking dolphins. Also, can someone explain to me how I have two parents and a brother that all tan like it's their job yet I somehow always look like a translucent ghost that got spray painted red by some rogue spring breakers if I so much as even peek into the sun? What? I will be hiding in the shade of an umbrella, reading Frankenstein, and hating my life.'_

 _..._

 _Jade pulls her knees up to her chest, sand rubbing uncomfortably between her toes. The feel of the sunscreen makes her skin crawl and her legs stick together, but at least she's not sweating. Somehow, Eli has already managed to make a friend, and her mother is lying far away, tanning. Lovely._

 _Dragging her focus away from her family, Jade adjusts her sunglasses as she reads, occasionally glancing up to make sure her brother hasn't drowned or been kidnapped. Only when her glasses slip down her nose again does she catch an all too familiar sight out of the corner of her eye. She blinks, almost hoping it's not a trick of the sunlight. Before the moment passes, she comes to her senses enough to snatch her phone out of her bag to capture the two blondes' movements._

 _She's wrapped up in videoing when she hears a loud shriek followed by sobs. Her head jerks up as she sees Eli waist deep in the water, panicking. Jade immediately drops what she's holding and rushes to down towards him._

 _A stranger pulls him out of the water as she reaches the shore, and wrapped around the little boy's ankle is a jellyfish._

" _Get it off, get it off!" he cries, shaking his leg. The stranger, a man of maybe 40, reaches out to remove it, but stops short when Jade screams._

" _Don't touch it, you idiot! Why do you think he wants it off? It fucking stings you if you touch it. Come here, E."_

 _Jade scoops up her tearful little brother, careful to avoid his ankle, and carries him back to her umbrella with a final glare at the man. How stupid can you get? She sets Eli in her chair and rummages though her bag. "God, please let me have left it in here," she mutters. After a few seconds, she pulls her tweezers out of the makeup pouch that she'd forgotten to take out after her acting class that morning. She carefully begins to remove the tentacles, placing them in a plastic bag she'd never thrown away after her snack earlier._

" _Hold still," she snaps, though her tone has lost its usual edge._

" _Jade, stop," he whimpers._

" _I went near the ocean for you. Be grateful."_

" _You're hurting me."_

"I'm _helping you. The jellyfish is hurting you." Her voice softens. "If you don't move, I can get it off faster."_

" _Can we go home?" he sniffs._

" _Yeah, when we find mom."_

" _Oh my goodness, what happened?" Right on cue._

" _Your youngest child was stung by a jellyfish and you didn't even notice."_

" _I'm sorry, I was talking to Bill at the cabana and came by to see when you all wanted to leave. Are you okay, Eli?"_

" _He has half a jellyfish wrapped around his ankle. He's doing wonderfully, mother." Sarcasm drips off Jade's tongue like the ocean water dripping down Eli's legs._

" _Can we just go home?" he says, tears refilling his eyes._

" _Yes, baby, we can. I'm so sorry I wasn't here." Laurie strokes Eli's wet, blonde hair back from his forehead._

" _It's okay. Jade's getting it off me."_

" _Done," Jade announces a minute later. "That was really tangled on there, bud."_

" _Now can we go home?"_

" _Yep, lets go." Jade tucks her phone and book back into her bag and puts the tweezers into the baggy of jellyfish particles to throw away. She's not taking any chances, and she can get new ones later._

" _We'll put some vinegar on it when we get home," Jade turns around in the front seat to tell Eli once they're in the car. He's holding an ice pack from their cooler to his ankle._

" _Ew, that stinks."_

" _I know, but it will help."_

" _What did you even do at the beach?" he asks. Sudden memories of the video she has on her phone flood back into her brain._

" _I read Frankenstein."_

" _Is that about the big green monster thing?"_

" _No, that's Hollywood's cliched piece of garbage." Eli's face falls. "The book is totally different and way better."_

" _Really?"_

" _Well, yeah, 'cause in the book, the real monster is-"_

" _Wait! Don't say it."_

" _Okay, okay." Jade turns back around in her seat._

" _My sting hurts."_

" _I know baby. We'll put some vinegar on it when we get home," Laurie says, keeping her eyes on the road._

" _And can I take a bath?"_

" _We'll see," Laurie responds._

 _Free from the responsibility of distracting Eli, Jade pulls out her phone and tunes out her mother and brother._

 _..._

 _To: Beck Oliver_

 _4:33 pm_

 _I have something I think you'll want to see._

 _..._

 _From: Beck Oliver_

 _4:35 pm_

 _I don't think I do. Who is this?_

 _..._

 _To: Beck Oliver_

 _4:35 pm_

 _You're right. Let me rephrase that. I have something you need to see._

 _It's a blue eyed vampire._

 _..._

 _From: Beck Oliver_

 _4:36 pm_

 _Wait, Jade? How did you get my phone number?_

 _..._

 _To: Beck Oliver_

 _4:37 pm_

 _You know how a magician never reveals his secrets? Well neither do I. And I feel like I should take offense to the fact that you knew the blue eyed vampire was me with such certainty that fast._

 _..._

 _From: Beck Oliver_

 _4:37 pm_

 _Why are you talking to me?_

 _4:40 pm_

 _Jade?_

 _..._

 _To: Beck Oliver_

 _4:42_

 _*one video attachment*_

 _..._

 _From: Beck Oliver_

 _4:56 pm_

 _Can you meet me at the park on Westburg?_

 _..._

" _Hey mom, I'm going to Cat's for a little bit. She needs some help with homework that's due on Monday and has some church thing tomorrow." Their car pulls to a stop in the driveway. Jade grabs the combat boots she'd stashed in the backseat because God forbid, a bathing suit is one thing, but she will not be caught dead in sandals anywhere but the beach._

" _Can't you just help her over the phone?"_

" _You know how she is."_

" _Fine, just be back by dinner."_

" _Okay." Jade slides out of the passenger seat and throws her bag over her shoulder. "Feel better, E."_

" _Okay!"_

" _Jade, you're still in your bathing suit," her mother informs her._

" _I don't care." It's not like she's parading around town half dressed. She has shorts and a tank top on over the bikini. A ten minute walk later, she spots Beck slumped on a secluded bench in the back of the park. She sits down next to him in silence._

" _You were right," he says after a while. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."_

" _You should have. Do you really think I'm that big of a bitch that I would lie and make up such a horrible story just because I didn't get a role I supposedly wanted?" Beck doesn't speak. "Because I wouldn't." She pauses. "Not without significant reason, anyway." A small smile graces Beck's lips, if only for a second. "Besides, I hated that entire show," Jade adds. The park is unsettlingly quiet for a Saturday afternoon. Maybe the heat is driving everybody inside._

" _What's your side of the story?" Beck asks._

" _What?"_

" _I've heard what 'happened' from Andre, Emily, and like half the school, but I haven't heard it from you. You kind of haven't talked to me for three weeks."_

" _You haven't talked to me either, Beck."_

" _I… I'm so sorry. Emily said-"_

" _I know." Silence. "Towards the end of last year, I started dating a guy, Jacob. He was an eighth grader, already fourteen and was in the school's advanced musical. I thought he was pretty cool." She gives a small, humorless laugh. "I was wrong. I wasn't… exactly in a good place, and there was a lot of shit going on at home. After a while, he started to try to take the relationship further than I was comfortable with. He said if I waited at school until after his rehearsals, we could sneak into the dressing room and 'do fun stuff' or some shit. I said no, I didn't want to. The next day, he asked the same thing, but more aggressively. I said no. Same with the next_ _. Suddenly, he stopped asking. I thought maybe he had finally decided to respect me or something, I don't really remember. That whole period of my life is kind of a blur, but all I know is a few days later, I walked into the black box and found him making out with Emily… and a little bit more. So I flipped. I didn't even tell people because I was embarrassed. He used me for show because I was, and I quote his words, 'the hottest girl in school', but I guess that's not enough when you're not willing to sleep with the asshole in a dressing room or school bathroom. So I did some, uh, research and put a ton of roaches in Emily's stuff because she hates roaches. She freaked out and even got in trouble for being disruptive during class. She'd always been a bitch to me, but sleeping with my boyfriend? That was too far. Emily claimed that I hid the roaches because she got the role I wanted, then Jacob broke up with me publicly, saying I was "crazy and jealous". He didn't want his name associated with the word 'cheating'. Mind you, nobody would ever cast me in that role, and I had no interest in getting it. People heard me yelling the true story about Jacob cheating when I sort of lost it in the halls one day and thought I was bluffing and, well, you sort of get the picture. They were popular and not me, so everyone believed them, even Andre and Cat, because to the public eye, I guess that's what it looked like. Emily was… proud of what she did. I didn't know if she would cheat on her own boyfriend, but even if she did, I didn't think it would be that soon. I'll shut up now. That was confusing and all over the place."_

" _No, it's fine. I asked. I'm just_ _glad I didn't get in too deep with her. Jade, I'm so, so sorry they did that to you. And that's the real story?"_

" _Of course, dumbass." But she smiles with a roll of her eyes._

" _Well I guess that's the significant reason to get back at her, then."_

" _She deserved every one of those roaches. And just so you know, Jacob didn't get away unscathed. I'm fact, he deserved far worse than her considering he's the one who actually cheated. I learned very quickly in our relationship that he is the most squeamish person I've ever met, so he received a picture of himself with his mouth sewn shut and his eyes stitched and stabbed with needles with 'XOXO' written on the back in red paint. He actually screamed."_

 _Beck chuckles. "I would expect nothing less."_

" _I should have done something more." Neither says anything for a minute._

" _It's not your fault. You know that, right?"_

 _Jade shrugs._

" _Jade. It's not. He's an asshole and should respect your decisions."_

" _Well maybe if I was uglier this wouldn't be such an issue." She laughs, but a darkness rings underneath her tone._

" _Maybe." Beck pauses. "I hope I haven't ruined things for us. And I promise, I'm not an asshole."_

 _Jade smirks. "Well…"_

" _Hey," he smiles, nudging her side._

" _I sent you the video, didn't I? I'm here, in the middle of a park in my bathing suit just to talk to you."_

" _I just thought you'd want to rub it in my face."_

" _Oh I did. And still do. But then… I don't know."_

" _Thanks."_

 _Jade shifts on the bench. "Did you break up with her yet?"_

" _Yeah, right after I saw the video."_

" _Stupid, impulsive teenagers. You should have waited for me and we could have done something more elaborate than a lame text."_

" _Maybe next time," he laughs. "She, um, kind of tried to do the same thing to me that Jacob did to you, but I stopped her before she could go too far. I know it's usually the guy who does that, but she... I don't know, it didn't feel right. I'm just so angry."_

" _As you should be."_

" _No, I mean at myself. I was so stupid."_

" _Yeah, you were. But people like her are manipulative. It's easy to fall under their spell."_

" _You're pretty mani-" He stops short. "How can I tell the difference?"_

 _Jade shrugs. "I guess you either make drastic mistakes or you live so cautiously you never live at all. There's a place between stupidity, nativity, and over-caution. You have to find the balance. Either way, you end up hurting yourself in some way at some point. That's what being a teenager is about." Neither speak for a minute._

" _You're a lot different than everyone thinks you are."_

" _You have to get to know people. But you don't know me. You don't even know an eighth of it."_

" _I think the saying is 'you don't even know half of it.'" Beck grins._

" _Not in this case, it's not," she says with a smirk back._

 _Jade's phone alerts her of a text._

 _..._

 _From: Mom_

 _5:33 pm_

 _Come home._

 _..._

" _I should go, too," Beck speaks up, and the two stand. "Thank you, Jade."_

" _Just doing what I do, saving idiots from social destruction." Both of them smile._

" _Jade West The Hero, everyone. I'll see you Monday?"_

" _See you Monday." An awkward silence settles over them._

" _Um, bye," Beck says with a quick nod._

" _Yeah bye." Jade turns on her heel and backtracks her path home._

…

' _He might be worth getting to know.'_

 _..._

 **I don't love this chapter, but I think (hope) this sort of sets up an understanding for Beck and Jade. Don't worry, they'll be dating soon. Chapter seven in my very loose outline is currently when they go on their first date… sort of… I'm excited for that chapter. My show opened right after I posted the first chapter, so I haven't had as much time as I'd like.**

 **Side note: Does anyone else know the "yo, Elizabeth just ate it" story Liz told on a livestream with Ari a million years ago? Because if you do, that's what my knees look like right now (apparently you can't fake abuse entirely in acting) and instead of taking my injuries seriously, I keep laughing every time I see them. It's one of my favorite Liz stories.**

 **I love hearing your feedback :)**

 **-Jade V.**


	3. Chapter Three

**First, I just want to say thank you so much to the people who review. It honestly makes my day to know that people like my work. Of course, if you ever have any constructive criticism, I'm open to hearing that as well.**

 **Shout out to CrazySerena13 for your help with the stuff I was struggling with in this chapter. Thank you so much!**

 **This chapter (which I posted earlier and then my computer turned all the words to jabber code TWICE so I had to delete it- I hate technology) is freaking long… Enjoy :)**

 **Disclaimer: I am (most unfortunately) not even of legal voting age yet, so no, I (most unfortunately) do not own Victorious. Or anything else you may recognize.**

Chapter Three: You Don't Own Me

"You've got something they don't." _-Unknown_

…

"But to cry in front of you

That's the worst thing I could do"

 _-Rizzo, Grease_

…

" _Jade, you and Eli are going to your dad's on Christmas Eve for dinner," Laurie says, muting the commercials that begin to play. She takes a sip of wine._

" _No." Jade doesn't even glance up at her mother. The flashing TV screen reflects in the pitch black windows, and the only other source of light comes from a dim bulb above the stove._

" _He hasn't seen you in months."_

" _There's a reason for that."_

" _Tell him about the advanced musical or whatever."_

" _I'm not in that yet. Besides, even if I was, he'd tell me it's a waste of time," Jade says, moving about the kitchen._

" _Are you making coffee at 10 o'clock?"_

" _Yes." Jade grabs a mug from the cabinet._

" _Have fun sleeping tonight."_

" _Wasn't planning on it."_

" _You're going to your father's house. End of discussion."_

" _I'm not going." Jade spits venom into her words._

" _Do not speak to me in that tone."_

" _I will speak to you however I want while you're disrespecting me and my human right to freedom."_

" _Hate to break it to you, honey, but you're still a child. You don't get to make the rules."_

" _Just because I'm a not a legal adult doesn't mean I don't deserve human rights. God, I want to move out." Jade's voice rises, but she still refuses to look up. The aroma of her coffee steaming as she stirs in her two sugars doesn't even calm her._

" _Stop being so over dramatic."_

 _Jade lets out a strangled scream of frustration and slams her spoon down on the counter. "I'm so sick of you!"_

" _Stop yelling!" Laurie shouts back. "You're making my stomach churn."_

" _Well good!" Jade's head finally snaps up to meet her mother's eyes, and she's holding her mug with a death grip. "Maybe now you know how I feel every time I'm near dad. He didn't believe me, and I will_ never _forgive him for that." Jade storms upstairs, tears threatening to spill from her blazing eyes. Fury surges through her brain, knocking at her skull and pounding every cell in her body. She collapses onto her bed after thumping her coffee down on her nightstand. On her way up the stairs, it had sloshed over, burning her hands, but she ignores the stinging and squeezes the edge of her blanket until her red knuckles turn white._

…

' _Mom said that I have to go to dad's on Christmas Eve. I will not. I hate him with every fiber of my being. How can you just not believe your daughter on something so serious? Why would I lie about that? Why is nothing I say or do ever good enough for him? I can't justify my hating him to Eli because he doesn't know what happened. I don't want to meet his slimy girlfriend, either. I want nothing to do with him and his fucking country club family. Mom likes to pretend nothing ever happened, and for someone to tries to control everything, she's really good at ignoring the real problems. I am so sick of parents that I almost look forward to seeing people at school just so they can say something stupid to take my mind off of all this bullshit. I am so sick of being called ridiculous and over dramatic and stupid. I am so tired of everything I do being wrong, wrong, and somehow wrong again. I want to fucking live my life without being criticized for every little thing. I want somewhere I can go that's further away from mom than my room. I can still feel her control winding up the stairs and trying to strangle me. I just want somewhere to go.'_

…

 _Her burned hand aches from writing, and she hurls her pen across the room. After slamming her journal shut, Jade drops it on her bedside table with a resounding thud after pushing her now empty coffee mug out of the way._

 _She brushes her teeth and climbs back into bed, but she knows she won't be sleeping for a long time. After minutes of lying in the darkness, Jade sits up, leaning back against the pillows. She lifts her laptop from its position beside her and opens a new document. If she can't control her own story, she'll write one that she can._

…

"' _Have a holly jolly-'"_

" _No!" Jade screams, and Cat's singing is replaced by her startled shriek. It's lunchtime, and Jade is running on anger, three hours of sleep, and leftover caffeine from breakfast._

" _But Jade, it's almost Christmas! I have to sing Christmas songs."_

" _Not in my presence."_

" _I thought you liked Christmas." Cat's face begins to fall as Jade's voice rises._

" _Not anymore."_

" _Why not?"_

" _I just don't, okay?" she explodes. Cat lets out another squeak._

" _Hey… who's ready for the audition when we get back from winter break?" Andre cuts in, and it's not lost to Jade that he's trying to change the subject before things can get ugly._

" _Oh, me!" Cat exclaims, her mood flipping a complete 180 again._

" _What exactly is this advanced musical everyone's been talking about, anyway?" Beck asks._

" _Every spring, Hollywood Arts puts on a musical with a really small cast. It's for eighth graders only, and the whole grade usually auditions, but it's pretty hard to make it in. It's a huge HA tradition," Andre explains._

" _Oh, well what show are they doing this year?"_

" _Nobody knows," Cat says._

" _You only find out what show it is once you're cast. Everyone else has to wait until opening night," Andre clarifies._

" _Okay… So a mystery show that's hard to get into. Still, what makes it advanced?"_

" _Other than that it's hard to get in to? It's not a junior version. They do the full show, if it has dancing, it's the Broadway choreography, all that jazz."_

" _Jade and I have gone to see the shows since we were ten!" Cat exclaims._

" _You make a cast of the best kids in an already selective performing arts school, and you get a damn good show," says Andre with a grin._

" _I'll bet."_

" _So are you gonna audition, man?"_

" _I don't know… it's always a musical?"_

" _Mm-hm," Andre nods._

" _I'm not much of a singer."_

" _I'm sure you're fine," Andre encourages. "Jade and Cat are practically guaranteed spots, and I hope I can get in, too."_

" _It would be so fun if we could all do it together! Pleasey?" Cat stares at him with big, dark eyes._

" _I… okay. I'll audition." Beck smiles, and Cat claps her hands. "But just a warning: I can act, but I've never done a musical before."_

" _You're a natural, man. I've seen you do scenes in class. It's worth auditioning if you even have a small chance."_

" _Thanks, man. Jade, you're being uncharacteristically quiet about this whole thing."_

" _What?" Jade jumps. "Oh… um, I'm just tired." Without warning, she stands up and walks away._

" _She's acting weird," Beck comments, glancing at the bag she left sitting on the bench._

" _Who, Jade?"_

" _No, Andre, Cat," Beck says sarcastically, then glances at Cat acting out 'Fantine's Death' from_ _Les Mis_ _starring her leftover French fries. He's speechless for a moment and tilts his head to the side before finally pulling his attention back to Andre. "You know what? No more sarcasm for me. Yes, I was talking about Jade."_

 _Andre shakes his head at Cat. "Jade_ is _sarcasm, man. Except for today. You're right, she was acting weird, and I've never seen her yell at Cat like that. You might want to go find her."_

" _Already decided that." Beck grabs Jade's bag and sets off in the direction she had stormed._

…

 _Jade moves through the halls with the effect of Moses parting the Red Sea. The glint of a murderous rampage hangs steady in her eye, but really, she isn't paying attention to anything but getting somewhere, anywhere away from people. She rounds a final corner, ending in the completely deserted girl's bathroom that is nearly always empty due to the Flying Cockroach Incident (with capital letters and all) last month and the fact that a few of the stalls don't even have locks. It's supposed to be turned into an extra costume storage closet next year; great for hiding, Jade thinks, but by then she will be gone and in high school._

 _Jade leans her forehead against one of the walls and closes her eyes._

 _Breathe in. Breathe out._

 _Her head jerks away from the wall with a nearly supernatural force._

" _Dammit!" she screams, kicking the empty trash can which topples over with an echoing crash. It spins out of control on the floor as she slams one of her fists against the tile wall, carelessly throwing her forehead back in its original resting spot. Her fingernails dig into her palms and she's biting her lip so hard the metallic taste of blood begins to overwhelm her tongue. With her eyes squeezed shut so tightly she's beginning to see shapes and her thoughts screaming in her ears, she doesn't notice his entrance until he speaks._

" _Jade?" The tears she's about to let fall stop in the corners of her eyes. She snaps her head up to glare at him, eyes shining._

" _This is the_ girl's _bathroom. Get out."_

" _You left your bag at the table and…" He holds it out to her, then backtracks. "Look, I wanted to make sure you were okay."_

" _I'm fine," she says curtly._

" _No, you're not."_

" _Yeah, I am." Her voice presses harder._

" _I don't believe you."_

 _She throws her arms up into the air. "Alright, I'm pissed!"_

" _About?"_

" _Stuff, Beck. I don't want to talk about it. Especially not to you." She stalks forward, snatches her bag from him, and makes her way towards the exit._

" _You might want to know that there's blood dripping down your lip." Beck's voice echoes off the empty walls._

 _With fire burning in her eyes, Jade whips around and settles her face into a rage-masking smirk._

" _Blue eyed vampire," she replies, her voice low and slightly raspy from screaming and lack of sleep. Holding his gaze, she runs her tongue along her bloody bottom lip, then exits the bathroom without another word._

…

' _Mom said she was sick of arguing with dad about me, that it's one of the reasons they got divorced in the first place, so if I didn't go, she wouldn't let me even audition for the advanced musical. As much as my mother and I don't get along, she's at least always supported me, but apparently now I have two parents who don't give a fuck yet somehow give too many fucks at the same time. If there's one thing I'm not going to let my father do, it's stop me from pursuing acting and writing. So I'm going. To dad's house. Where I have to meet his fake ass girlfriend, too. Kill me now.'_

…

 _Her hands still bear the faint red burns, black and blue bruises, and harsh, crescent shaped indentations from a few days ago. All marks contrast sharply against her pale skin as she brushes on a layer of mascara._

" _Get in the car, Jade!" Laurie calls from downstairs. Jade pulls her sweater sleeves down over her hands, sliding her thumbs into the holes she had cut a few months ago._

 _The drive is silent, and even Eli and his usually talkative self seems to sense the tension, only occasionally asking tentative question or two._

" _Bye, mom," says Eli as he climbs out of his car seat._

" _I'll be back at eight so we can get to Grandpa and Susie's in time for presents."_

" _I get to go to my two favorite places in one night? Joy," Jade deadpans._

 _She slams the passenger door shut behind her and her mom disappears down the street. On the walk up the brick path, Eli glues himself to her side._

" _Please don't yell."_

 _Jade sighs, wanting nothing more than to scream at her father every second she's here, but Eli's pleading eyes are the one thing that can soften her damaged heart._

" _I'll try."_

 _Their feet clomp up the front steps with a hollow echo._

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

 _The air outside is actually crisp, and a chilled breeze blows through her tights as her father opens the door._

" _Jade… In black as always." He glances over her outfit with a look of disapproval._

Of fucking course that's the first thing he says to me in months.

" _Did you really expect something else?" Jade's glare portrays her every internal feeling to her father, a talent she's glad she possesses and has well mastered._

" _Hello, Eli." Jade's father looks down at the little boy clutching Jade's hand._

" _Hi, Dad."_

" _Please, come in. Merry Christmas. I'm glad you're both here."_

" _Not glad to be here," Jade cuts in, but stops there when Eli tugs her hand._

" _Jade, this is my girlfriend, Brittney." A blonde woman in sky high heels appears from behind the corner in a tacky dress that shows off her extensively fake cleavage. Even in those heels, she's a few inches shorter than Jade._

" _Hi, Eli, baby." Eli flinches as she kisses his cheek loudly, leaving remnants of her lipstick on his skin. The little boy lifts the hand of Jade's he's grasping and uses the overly long sleeve of her black sweater to wipe it off. Her hand throbs at the irritation. "And Jade, it's so nice to finally meet you! I've heard so much about you." Brittney moves in to hug her not-step-daughter, and Jade's whole body stiffens. She bites her tongue before she can yell her iconic 'no!'._

" _You know, I'm not really much of a hugger." The tone alone is enough to make the touchy woman pull back._

" _You are absolutely stunning," she gushes, and Jade does not thank her. The overwhelming smell of Brittney's perfume is suffocating, and Jade wishes she could cuss out her father and then disappear from this entire gathering. However, she refrains from saying anything directly regarding the original root of her anger._ For Eli.

 _The doorbell rings, and Jade raises a knowing eyebrow._

" _Just some friends, Jade," her father says._

" _Not my friends."_

" _Friends of mine."_

" _I'm surprised you have any."_

" _I don't want to hear any of that attitude while my colleagues are over. You will be quiet. Do you hear me, Jade Elizabeth?" Jade catches herself before she can flinch at the sound of his voice rising._

" _Oh, I hear you."_

" _Pull up your shirt." He indicates to her off the shoulder sweater._

Says the man who's girlfriend is all but shoving her tits in the face of the universe. And that's the second parent that's commented on my sweater exposing my shoulder today. Two out of two. I'm really winning, aren't I?

" _No!" Jade hisses._

" _Jade, shhh," Eli whispers, tugging on her hand._

" _She looks nice, Rich." Brittney moves to answer the door._

" _Jim! Rhonda, hi! How are you?"_

" _Doing well, Brittney. It's so nice to see you. Thank you for having us," the woman, apparently Rhonda, says._

" _Thank you all for coming," Jade's father speaks up._

" _Good to see you, Richard. Merry Christmas."_

" _Merry Christmas to you, too. Jim, Rhonda, these are my children: Jade and Eli. Jade, Eli, this is Mr. and Mrs. Joseph._

 _Eli gives a small wave and Jade gives an impudent smirk._

" _Mary's in the kitchen cooking a delicious meal. It's almost ready. Can I get you all something to drink?" Brittney asks sweetly._

" _Gin and tonic would be great, please," says Jim._

" _And I'll take a white wine. Thank you, dear." Brittney struts out of the room and Rhonda turns to face the children._

" _So Jade, what grade are you in?"_

" _Eighth," she answers shortly._

" _And where do you go to school?"_

" _Hollywood Arts Middle School." Jade sighs, preparing herself for the verbal berating that is sure to come._

" _Ah, a performer. Is that what you plan to do as a career?"_

 _Richard cuts in, "It's just for recreation. She'll be attending Highton Prep next year."_

" _Actually, father, I'm quite happy at Hollywood Arts." Her tone is sickly sweet. "I want to be an actress and writer." Richard clears his throat uncomfortably, but the silence is broken by Brittney bringing back drinks. Rhonda actually seems to take an interest in Jade's performing as they sit down to dinner, and Jade fills the woman in on everything HA offers. Meanwhile, Richard sends frequent death glances toward his daughter amidst his business conversation with Jim, Brittney nodding along to everything the men say. He's noticeably pissed off, and Jade is using every ounce of his annoyance to her advantage. Eli joins in on her conversation, telling Rhonda about his soccer team, and the woman answers with a smile on her face every time._

 _Their father gifts the kids Christmas presents at a break in the conversations and, after two hours, Jade receives a text._

…

 _From: Mom_

 _8:01 pm_

 _I'm outside._

…

" _It was so nice to meet you both," says Rhonda as the siblings stand to leave. "Richard, you have such beautiful, intelligent children. Best of luck, Jade. I would love to come see one of your shows sometime."_

" _Thank you, Mrs. Joseph. It was so nice to talk to you. The next musical is in the spring, and it would be so nice to see you there. My father hasn't come to one of my shows in years," Jade adds nonchalantly._

" _Thank you, Jade, but don't keep your mother waiting. Goodbye." Richard clears his throat for what seems to be the hundredth time tonight and places a hand on his daughter's back to usher her outside. She violently shrugs him off. Just as he's about to speak again, Jade cuts him off with a condescending smirk._

" _You wanted me here, after all. Merry Christmas."_

" _Merry Christmas, dad," Eli calls over his shoulder as he and Jade walk down the steps towards the running car parked alongside the street. Eli looks up at his sister. "You know, the last time dad came to one of my soccer games, he left before half time."_

" _I know, bud."_

" _Will he ever care?"_

" _I don't know, E. You've got people who do care, though." In his kindergartener, chatterbox-self way, he changes the subject in a matter of .2 seconds._

" _I almost forgot that Santa's coming tonight!"_

" _Sure, E. A big, fat man like that definitely fits down our chimney. And reindeers can fly."_

" _It's magic. Duh." Something seems to dawn on Eli, and in the most obnoxious little brother voice, he says, "Hey Jade… Who's Beck?" He gives Jade a smirk that could rival her own._

" _Just another asshole at school." She should never have brought him up to Rhonda with Eli listening, damn it._

" _Bad word!" Eli shouts, laughing, and the two climb into the car._

…

' _He didn't get what he wanted, and in some twisted way, I did. My plan to act like a bitch all night fell through when Eli wanted peace and Rhonda actually thought performing arts were cool. My dad was PISSED about that. He probably thought we should be talking about colleges or some shit. I'm in eighth grade, I don't have to think about that if I don't want to yet. But I know that I will somehow prove to him that for all these years, he was the one who was stupid for rejecting my dreams. I'm not delusional, he is. He can't tell me what to do, what I feel, and what happens to me. Because after last year, you'd better believe I won't be controlled._

…

 **Warning: long A/N ahead.**

 **In the midst of all the darkness in the world right now, I'm trying to remember to be thankful for the blessings in my life, even in the moments it's hard to find the light. My mom has been in the hospital this past week, so I've taken on all of her responsibilities in addition to my usual ones. It's been a rough week, to say the least, and regarding the story, this chapter was ridiculously hard for me to write. I already have a lot of the next chapter written, though, so hopefully it won't take so long to post.**

 **To end on a lighter note, I'm currently covered in baby slobber because that's just the stage of life we're in right now. And she coughed just in my face. Fun fun. Anyway, thanks for reading! As always, your feedback is much appreciated :) Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!**

 **-Jade V.**


	4. Chapter Four

**Thank you to all my lovely reviewers and to the people who have favorited/followed this story. You are an absolute encouragement. Writing is my escape, so please enjoy whatever madness my brain concocted in the last few weeks.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the shoes I'm wearing or Victorious.**

Chapter Four: Make Or Break Me (Part One)

The things that we bury

can tell you a lot about

who we are.

The difference between

a garden and a graveyard

is only what we choose

to put in the soil.

 _-Rudy Francisco_

…

 _Beep. Beep. Beep._

" _Ugh."_

" _Yay, morning!"_

" _No."_

 _While Cat scampers out of bed, Jade scowls and buries her face in the blankets. Her bedside lamp flickers on a moment later, and a whine nobody but her best friend will ever hear escapes her mouth._

" _Cat!"_

" _Oh my god, our auditions are today!"_

" _Yeah, all the more reason for me to_ sleep _." Jade rolls onto her back and shoves a pillow over her face to better block out the light, but not two seconds later, Cat is straddling her hips and trying to shake the pillow free from her grasp._

" _Come on, Jade!"_

" _Ugh," Jade repeats, her voice muffled from the pillow. "Cat, get off! I have to pee."_

" _I won't get off until you get up."_

" _I can't get up when you're sitting on me! Get off my freaking bladder."_

" _Oh yeah…" Cat lets go of the pillow. "Promise you'll get up if I move?"_

" _Okay, okay, I promise."_

" _Kay kay!"_

 _When Cat crawls off of her, Jade flings the pillow to the side and rubs her eyes._

" _Come on, Mr. Longneck! Let's go get dressed." Cat's bare feet pad across the floor and Jade sits up in bed, running her hand through her tangled waves of hair. She squints and blinks for a minute as her eyes adjust to the light._

" _What?" she demands at Cat's sudden, incessant giggling. The tiny girl stands in the middle of the bedroom in a bra and pajama shorts, looking from Mr. Longneck to her pink suitcase._

" _I told Mr. Longneck to get dressed with me, but he doesn't have clothes," Cat says in a duh-tone. Suddenly, her expression shifts into concern. "Do animals need to wear clothes? I don't want him to be embarrassed for being naked."_

" _For God's sake, he's just a-" She stops her voice from rising. "No, Cat. Your giraffe is fine."_

" _Kay kay!"_

 _Jade slides out of bed and walks to her bathroom for a moment of peace. As she pulls her hair into a bun so she can wash her face, her mind runs a million miles a minute._

It's today. I have to make it. I have to make it.

 _Jade finishes her makeup just as Cat flounces into the bathroom after taking God knows how long to get dressed._

" _I'm getting coffee," Jade says and makes her way downstairs where Eli sits at the table shoveling cereal into his mouth._

 _She covers her ears. "Oh my god, be quiet! You eat like a pig."_

" _I'm hungry." His reply is muffled by his Lucky Charms threatening to make a reappearance in front of him, and milk dribbles down his chin._

" _Jade, let him be," her mother sighs as she packs Eli's lunchbox at the kitchen counter._

" _My audition is today. Expect to hear singing," Jade says plainly, wishing the coffee machine would hurry up and make her damn coffee._

" _That's fine, honey."_

 _Eli swallows. "Break a leg, Jade! Actually, break two legs. Break_ all _your legs."_

" _Thanks, E. I always suspected I might be an octopus. Glad we cleared that up."_

 _Back in her room, Jade gets herself dressed, packs her backpack, and slides her jewelry on. Cat emerges from the bathroom with her curly hair in two low pigtails, and her giraffe now wears a bow on its head._

" _Hey Jade, when my parents get back from taking my brother to his 'special doctor', we should have a sleepover at my house! It would be so much fun!"_

" _Uh… I'll pass. Last time I was over, your brother stole my underwear out of my suitcase and wore it as a hat, and I don't have the patience to deal with that."_

" _He is weird… Oh! Beck said in Ca-"_

" _Hey, let's practice our audition songs a few more times before school."_

" _Okay! And then can we go downstairs and get Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"_

" _Yes, Cat. Then we'll get your beloved Cinnamon Toast Crunch."_

…

' _You know those families that have a really talented kid and they're always in awe at the kid's voice and they get to sing whenever they want? That's Cat's family. My fucking family has banished my singing 99% of the time unless they're either out of the house or it's an audition day. Other than that, it's "shut up, Jade!". Really guys, I'm not that bad. But today is an audition day. I have to nail this. I have to. Please, God, let me nail this.'_

…

" _Jade, look!" Eli exclaims, carrying a sloshing cup of orange juice towards where his sister stands at the kitchen counter, digging through her purse._

" _Not now."_

" _I put a candy cane in it! See?"_

" _Eli, no-"_

 _As Eli holds up the cup, the juice sloshes over onto the sheet music placed next to Jade on the counter._

" _Eli!" Jade shrieks. She's quick to snatch a towel from next to the sink, but the page is stained orange and the ink has already blurred._

" _I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"_

" _It doesn't matter what you meant! It happened."_

" _Girls, we have to leave. Eli, put your shoes on," Laurie calls from her bedroom. Eli stands, tears welling up in his blue eyes, staring bewilderedly at the mess he's made._

" _Fricking heck, ugh!" Jade exclaims, censoring her words to avoid being grounded. After slamming the rag down on the counter, she rushes to her computer to print another copy only to find it dead. "No no no no no," Jade says, then lets out a frustrated scream._

" _What?" asks Cat from her seat at the kitchen table._

" _Eli ruined my sheet music and my computer is dead and there's not enough time for it to turn on."_

" _Oh no."_

 _Jade desperately scans the kitchen, muttering under her breath, "Where's the damn charger?"_

" _Jade, Cat, get in the car please!" Laurie says, striding into the kitchen. "What happened?"_

" _Eli spilled orange juice all over my sheet music!"_

" _Okay, I'm sorry. I'll talk to him about being more careful later, but we need to go, honey. I can't be late to work today. Get in the car."_

 _Jade growls._

" _You can just sing it acapella. You'll still sound amazing," Cat reassures her as they head towards the car. Jade doesn't speak because the tears that have been prickling behind her eyes all morning are threatening to fall. Her throat is tense, and she swallows hard, digging her fingernails into her palms to release if only some of the tension binding her body._

I have to get this right. I have to.

…

" _What's up with you?" Andre asks at lunch as Jade sits down with a huff._

" _Did one of Santa's reindeers bite you over Christmas?" Beck walks up to the table and takes a seat next to Jade, looking her in the eyes and giving her a teasing smile._

 _Her stomach flip-flops— from nerves, she tells herself._

…Definitely nerves.

" _I love Santa's reindeer! My favorite one is Dancer, but there's a whole song about one that has a…" Cat hides her giggles behind her hands._

" _A what, Cat?" Andre pinches the bridge of his nose, his tone full of exasperation._

" _A red nose! Can you believe it? The song goes 'Rudolph the Red Nosed-'"_

" _Cat…" Jade cautions._

" _Had a very shiny nose!"_

" _Cat." Jade's voice crescendos._

" _-If you ever saw it!"_

 _Beck places a hand on Cat's shoulder, momentarily distracting her from the song. "Cat," he says gently._

" _Whatey?"_

" _Uh…" Beck frantically glances at his friends, desperate to think of a distraction. His eyes land on… "Jade has a story!" He fakes a smile and gestures at the girl beside him._

" _Yeah, how was your Christmas, Jade?" Andre jumps in, causing Jade to glare at now both boys. She sighs._

" _If you must know, my grandfather's stupid wife thinks we should call her 'grandma' because just calling her Susie makes her 'seem like nothing special' and 'like just any other Susie'. I wish she could just be any other Susie, ugh. Apparently we have to treat her with this thing called 'respect'. At least she gave me an expensive, pink, sparkly bottle of perfume that I can sell." She very purposefully leaves her father and Brittany out of the conversation._

" _Damn, Jade," says Andre._

" _Well, my brother wanted to hug our Christmas tree 'cause he said it looked fuzzy, but then when it pricked him instead, he got mad at it and took the poker thing from next to the fire place and fought it. The tree won…" Cat stares into space while the others blink at her in confusion._

" _Anyway, how was your Christmas, Beck?" asks Andre._

" _Pretty good. I actually went to visit my family in-"_

" _Did Santa come to your house, too?" Cat exclaims, causing Jade, Andre, and Beck glance at one another._

" _Um, yeah, Cat. He did."_

" _Oh! What did he bring you?"_

" _Well, I got a-"_

" _'Cause he brought me a new friend! His name is Mr. Longneck. Wanna see?"_

" _Sure…" says Beck. Cat opens her backpack and pulls out her stuffed giraffe._

" _Isn't he so cute? My brother thought him some bad words, though, so don't talk to him. He says dirty things."_

" _Trust me, Cat, we won't talk to your giraffe," Jade comments._

" _You already tried to at your house last night after I told you not to. I hope you learned your lesson." Cat points an accusatory finger at Jade and gives an un-intimidating glare._

If I have to hear about that damn giraffe one more time…

 _Jade sighs and claps her hands together once. "Okay, yes, fine! I learned my lesson."_

" _Cat was at your house?" Andre inquires._

" _Yeah! We get to have a sleepover allllll week 'cause my parents took my brother to some doctor Santa Fe. Oh, and Jade won't come over to my house ever since-"_

" _Why do you care, Harris?"_

" _It still weirds me out that you two are actually friends."_

 _Cat smiles innocently. "Jade's a really good friend. She just likes to pretend like she's not."_

…

' _Lord help me. This is about to be the longest week of my life.'_

…

 **A/N: So it's been a minute. I lied when I said it was "almost done." My brain decided 'let's expand this almost done chapter to make it five times as long' so here we are. I've split it into three sections because over 5,000 words would be a long ass chapter. Thank you all for being patient with me the last few weeks. Let me know what you think! Part Two is being posted tomorrow :) Also, I'm going to start closing with a Jade West quote, so…**

" **Enjoy my monkey fur!"**

 **-Jade V.**


	5. Chapter Five

**Disclaimer: I can't even legally get my third ear piercing without my mom's permission, so take a guess as to if I can own a popular TV show.**

Chapter Five: Make Or Break Me (Part Two)

'But sometimes, I'll smile.'

 _-Jade Valen_

…

' _One hour to go and my stomach hurts. I can't stop my hands from shaking. I want this more than (almost) anything right now. If'_

…

" _Miss West, I ask that you pay attention in my class, please." Jade's head jerks up at the sound of Mr. Marks' voice. She doesn't respond, only closes her journal and stares at the Algebra on the whiteboard, her insides churning and her thoughts turning cartwheels around the edges of her skull._

 _At three o'clock in the afternoon, she strides into the auditorium with a face of stone, ignoring everyone's watchful eyes as she marches down the aisle._

Great. This is my competition.

 _She scans the room for Andre, Beck, and Cat, but soon finds it completely unnecessary because Cat, upon seeing her, squeals and calls her name. Jade rolls her eyes but makes her way over to the small group._

" _Are you guys excited?" Cat bounces in her spot._

" _I'm pumped," Andre says, rubbing his hands together in anticipation._

" _Yeah, this is gonna be cool. Jade, what about you? Are you ready?" Beck adds._

" _Would I be here if I wasn't?"_

" _I'll take that as a yes."_

" _Hey, where's your sheet music?" Andre asks, and Jade's stomach lurches._

" _Well her brother-" Cat begins, but as the director walks onto the stage calling for everyone's attention, the kids all silence and sit down in the auditorium seats. Thus begins the audition._

…

' _I should have put more emotion into the song. I mean, I sang it fine, but I could have given it so much more depth. Oh God, I moved my hands way more than I should have, too. Did I even sing all the notes right? Singing it acapella can't have sounded as good. Please, God, just let me make it in.'_

…

 _To: Jade West (jadewest ) and 19 others_

 _From: Abigail Rhodes (rhodes )_

 _Subject: Callbacks For…_

 _You have received a callback for Hollywood Arts Middle School's 2008 Advanced Musical! Callbacks will be held in the black box theatre, NOT the auditorium, after school tomorrow (Jan. 8th) from 3:30-6:30 pm. Please wear/bring clothes that you can dance in and don't forget water. This is a "cold" callback, so you do not need to prepare anything._

 _If you have any questions, feel free to email me._

 _-Ms. Rhodes_

…

" _Thank God, thank God, thank God. I'm one step closer. One step closer.'_

…

" _I think we should make a sort of pact, and we should have done this yesterday," Beck says as they stand in the back of the black box theatre._

" _What for?" Andre asks._

" _In case one or some of us don't get cast, to be happy for the people who did. And don't beat yourself up over it. If you got this far, you know you're good."_

" _Is this a pep talk for your nervous self?" Jade pipes up, crossing her arms over her chest._

" _Actually, yeah. But it's still important."_

" _I agree," says Andre._

" _Me too," Cat adds._

" _Alright, fine, me too. I won't rub it in anyone's face when I get cast." She smirks, and Beck rolls his eyes._

 _When Cat begins rambling to Andre about God only knows what, Jade turns to her left._

" _I know that was directed at me, Oliver."_

" _What do you mean?" Beck looks mildly offended, but his_ stupid _grin gives him away._

" _Your feigned innocence is fooling nobody."_

" _Cat and Andre believe me."_

" _I'm a little more intuitive than either of them. No offense to them or anything…" she trails off. "Point is, I'm the only one who has the guts to bite your head off if you get cast and we don't— which won't happen, by the way."_

" _Even_ your _mouth isn't that big," he retorts, his smirk never leaving his face. Jade wears one to match._

" _You're right. It could never fit over your big head."_

" _Are you really going to go there?"_

" _I really did." They're quiet for a moment, and Jade bites her lip. "Break a leg, Beck."_

" _You too, Jade."_

 _After three hours of callbacks, the 20 students flock out of then black box in groups, chattering anxiously about the cast list that would be posted on the school website tomorrow._

" _Cat, how the hell do you sing that high?" Andre asks._

 _Jade puts her hands in her coat pockets, and her fingers brush against the change she received for her coffee order this morning._

" _Well my brother said that-"_

" _Hey, here's a dollar. Why don't you go get some Skittles from the vending machine?"_

" _Oh! Candy!" Cat exclaims, snatching the money from Jade and running across the hall._

" _I've come to the conclusion that musical auditions are way harder than just acting auditions," Beck says as he flips his hair out of his face._

" _Well no shit. You've got triple the amount of work to do." Jade keeps a watchful eye on Cat in her peripheral vision._

" _And they take forever," adds Andre._

" _I know Broadway callbacks can last all day, so I guess we should be grateful it wasn't_ that _long," says Beck, then turns to face the girl on his left. "You know, I've still never heard you sing, Jade."_

 _She grins at him. "And you won't until the show."_

" _Cocky much?"_

" _Ambitious much?"_

" _Will you two tone down the sexual tension, for God's sake," Andre cuts in._

 _Jade almost blinks._

He said what?

" _I will make Christmas ornaments out of your organs if you say another word," she bites back, but she refuses to look at Beck again. "Cat, hurry the hell up!"_

 _No response._

" _Cat!" She's stationed her tiny self in front of the water fountain, pushing the button on and off. "Cat, honestly, do I have to come get you?"_

" _But Jade, this water is_ super _high."_

" _Are you sure you aren't high?" Jade mutters, causing Beck to let out an involuntary chuckle. Jade makes her way over to Cat and grabs her arm, leading her away from the fountain. "We're leaving."_

" _Where?"_

" _Home to get food."_

" _I'm so excited we get to spend the night again!"_

" _Yeah," Jade says. "Just promise to stay on your own side of the bed tonight. Last night you kicked me like, eight times."_

" _Promise. Wait, I did? Can we do karaoke?"_

" _Yeah, you did. And sure."_

 _Cat squeals._

" _What's got you so excited?" Andre asks as the girls approach them once again._

" _Jade and I are gonna do karaoke tonight!"_

" _I'm picking the songs."_

" _Jade's picking the songs," Cat repeats. Jade rolls her eyes._

" _And my dad's here to pick me up," Beck cuts in. "Cast list comes out tomorrow night, right?"_

" _Yeah, man."_

" _Okay cool. Later guys." They chorus their goodbyes as Beck saunters out the school doors with a wave._

" _I've gotta go, too," Andre says. "See you girls tomorrow."_

 _Cat and Jade follow him outside and sit against the wall near the entrance, watching Andre climb in his mom's car and drive off._

" _My mom's running a few minutes late."_

" _Kay kay," Cat replies._

" _Cat, how did my dancing look? Was I behind? Because I felt like I was a little behind. And I definitely missed some of the steps and went the wrong way that one time. God, why did I do that? I had it down when they were teaching it." Jade rests her face in her knees._

" _Your dance looked really good. It wasn't perfect, but they said they weren't looking for perfect. They wanted effort and enthism, and you worked really hard."_

 _Jade looks up and cracks a smile. "You mean enthusiasm?"_

" _Yeah, that."_

" _Thanks, Cat. Let's go. My mom's here."_

" _Oh, food!"_

 _As the girls climb in the car, Jade in the front seat and Cat in the back, Eli exclaims, "Did you get it?"_

" _I hope so!" Cat answers with matched excitement in her tone._

" _We don't know know yet, E."_

" _When do you find out?" Laurie asks._

" _Tomorrow night," Jade responds._

" _Do you girls have a plan for tonight?"_

" _No," Jade says at the same time Cat exclaims, "Karaoke!"_

" _I'm sure you're both starving. There's a frozen pizza in the freezer that you can put in the oven. I'm dropping you two off back home and then taking Eli to look at the leftover Christmas lights."_

" _Before they're gone until a long time," Eli adds._

" _Okay."_

 _Forty five minutes later, Cat and Jade are alone and filling the kitchen with harmonies from various Broadway shows because God forbid Cat try to make her sing Celine Dion. While Jade keeps an eye on the pizza in the oven, Cat dances her giraffe around the kitchen counter to their duet of 'Light My Candle' from_ RENT _._

" _You're really good at sounding like a man, Jade."_

" _Honestly, I could probably play Roger or Maureen and pull them off equally well."_

" _Oh! Maybe we're doing_ RENT _!" Cat exclaims._

" _We can't do RENT, Cat. The point is that we do a non-edited version of the show, and it's not appropriate."_

" _Oh, right. Then what show are we doing, do you think?"_

" _I have an idea, but I'm not saying anything."_

" _Jade!" Cat whines. "Pleasey?"_

" _Oh, look! The pizza's done." Jade slides an oven mitt on her hand and pulls the pizza out of the oven, setting it on a cutting board._

" _Finally!" Cat settles Mr. Longneck in the barstool next to her, and Jade cuts the pizza, putting a couple pieces on plates for each she and Cat. "Can Mr. Longneck have a piece, too?" Cat asks, tilting her head to the side._

" _Why would you- Fine, he can have a piece." She grabs another plate and places one piece in front of the stuffed animal before sitting down next to Cat._

" _I'm so excited for tomorrow. Aren't you?"_

" _Yeah, and a little anxious." Cat looks at her, and Jade corrects herself with a sigh. "Try a lot anxious."_

" _It's gonna be good."_

" _I hope so."_

…

 _All day, Jade's stomach jolts at any distant phone notification or anytime somebody mentions the musical. Tensions run high amongst the entire eighth grade, particularly those who are waiting on their approval or rejection to come out that night, and a resentment settles in some of the kids who weren't even given a second chance._

At least the kids who were booted early on have a sense of closure. Then again, I'd rather be left waiting with a chance than just turned down altogether.

 _After dinner, Jade and Cat retreat to Jade's room, leaving the computer open on the bed to the Hollywood Arts Middle School website._

 _Cat sits at the vanity, arranging Jade's rings into various formations as Jade stands behind her._

" _Are you almost done?" she asks, jerking her head around to face her friend._

" _Cat, for the umteenth time, if you keep moving, the straightening iron will burn you. Now turn around, I'm almost done."_

" _Kay kay," Cat complies. As Jade runs over the last piece of Cat's hair, her computer dings. Both girls freeze and stare at each other. Jade's stomach summersaults. She all but throws the the straightening iron onto the vanity and they dive for the bed, Jade scrambling to refresh the page._

" _What does it say, what does it say?" Cat squeaks._

 _Jade scans the list, her eyes flitting over the list of names until four catch her eye._

Holy fucking shit.

 _She covers her mouth with her hands to suppress a scream only for Cat to let out a shriek of joy loud enough for both of them._

" _We got in, Jade! We got in!" she tackles Jade in a hug, which Jade lets her hold for a second or two longer than usual._

" _I know, I know! Oh my God. We did it!" She squirms her way out from under Cat and lays on her back. "I did it," she whispers._

 _Running footsteps pound down the hallway and Eli bursts into the room._

" _Did you get it?" he yells._

" _Yeah, we did!" Cat exclaims._

" _Both of you?"_

" _Hell yeah," Jade responds with a grin._

" _Hey, just because you got it doesn't mean you can say bad words." But he can't stop the cheesy smile that threatens to break through his stern glance. "See, I told you breaking all your legs would work."_

" _That you did."_

" _Okay bye!" He dashes out of the room as quickly as he'd appeared._

 _Cat turns to Jade. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! We all get to do it together! I'm so happy!"_

" _Me too! Hang on."_

…

 _Incoming call: Beck Oliver_

…

" _You ready to get your ass handed to you?" Jade answers, ignoring Cat chastising her language in the background._

" _Can we just spend a minute celebrating before you drill me into the ground?"_

 _Jade sighs. "Congrats, dude. I mean it."_

" _You too. Guess who gets to hear you sing now?" She can hear the sickening grin in his voice._

" _No no, no no no. You don't know if I got a lead or not. I might not even have a solo, in which case, you'll be left waiting."_

" _I could just come see one of the shows you do at that community theatre."_

" _You're not invited to those… or welcome at Wayward at all, for that matter. I only have no choice when it comes to school productions since you, you know, go here too."_

" _So what musical do you think we're doing?"_

" _I have an idea, but I'm not telling you."_

" _In case you're wrong?" he laughs._

" _Because I'm right, and you don't deserve to know yet."_

 _She can practically_ feel _him rolling his eyes. "Jade, honestly?"_

" _Yes. Have fun wondering."_

" _How will I know whether you're telling the truth tomorrow?"_

" _That will just have to be a mystery, won't it? By the way, do you know how to ride a skateboard?"_

" _A little, but why would… Hey!"_

 _Jade pulls the phone away from her mouth for a moment._

" _Cat, call Andre."_

" _Kay kay!"_

 _Beck chuckles and changes the subject. "So how loud did Cat scream when you all saw the cast list?"_

" _Loud enough to count for both of us."_

" _Andre, we all got cast!" Cat exclaims into her phone._

" _Put him on speaker," Jade interjects, putting Beck on speaker as well._

" _Andre, you're on speaker phone. Jade and Beck are also here."_

 _Jade groans._

" _Beck?" Andre asks._

" _He's on speaker on my phone," Jade says before Cat can give a wild explanation._

" _Oh. But hold on, did we seriously all get cast? Because that's just crazy chiz."_

" _It is crazy," Beck agrees._

" _Did we get the email yet, or is was it just posted on the website? I had to let my older sister borrow my computer," says Andre._

" _Let me check," Jade says, clicking over to her email. "Here."_

" _Read it!" Cat bounces up and down on the bed next to Jade._

" _Calm down, you're shaking the computer." But even she can't keep the smile off her face. "It says, 'Congratulations! You have been cast in Hollywood Arts' 2008 Advanced Musical! Meet tomorrow in the black box theatre at three o'clock for the big reveal of the show (and for a general orientation.) The full cast list (which is also posted on the website) is Kevin Andrews, Ian Groves, Allie Hansen, Andre Harris, Nathan Hill, Addison Miller, Hannah Mulligan, Beck Oliver, Mia Sims, Marcus Smith, Cat Valentine, Adam Vixen, Jade West. See you all tomorrow! Love, Ms. Rhodes'."_

" _How many kids is that?" Andre asks._

" _Thirteen," Beck replies._

" _Jade knows what show we're doing," Cat jumps in._

" _How the hell did she find out?" Andre assumes._

" _I used common sense and figured it out."_

 _A knock sounds on Jade's bedroom door._

" _What?" Jade says. Laurie peeks into the room._

" _Oh, are you girls on the phone with somebody?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _I just wanted to say congratulations on getting into the show. I thought I'd let you all finish celebrating first."_

" _Thanks, Ms. August."_

" _Thanks, Mom."_

" _I'll let you all get back to what you were doing. But I'm really happy for you girls."_

So am I.

…

' _Holy fucking hell, we did it. Cat, Beck, Andre, and I all somehow managed to get into the advanced musical. I know what show it is, too. Or at least I'm pretty sure. And based on the cast list, if I'm right (I have to be right here; the cast list basically confirmed it), I'm pretty sure I know who we're all cast as, too. I'm. So. Happy. I'm in, I'm in, I'm in! My fifth grade self is internally screaming (or is that just me right now?)'_

…

 _The next afternoon, they're sitting in the black box theatre- Cat, Jade, Andre, then Beck- with their nine other cast mates. Ms. Rhodes has arranged the chairs in a semi-circle, which she stands at the mouth of._

" _I'm sure you're all anxious to find out what show we're doing, but first, as tradition states, I'm going to pass around this clipboard with a contract of sorts for you all to sign. This way I make sure I have everyone's word that we are keeping what show we're doing confidential." She hands the clipboard to Cat first, and once it's been hastily signed by every quivering hand in the room, Ms. Rhodes takes it back. "Awesome. Alright, I can tell you all are dying here, so without further adieu, Hollywood Arts' 2008 Advanced Musical is…"_

 **Aaaaand cliffhanger. Sort of, anyway. I'll be posting Part Three hopefully tomorrow. Comment what you think the musical they're doing is! I'm curious to hear your guesses.**

 **Oh, I'm on twitter now thanks to Bubblebean98. My is jadevalen_ so feel free to come say hi :)**

" **I'd rather slam my tongue in a car door."**

 **-Jade V.**


	6. Chapter Six

**Disclaimer: At this point, we all know I don't own Victorious, so I'll shut up.**

 **Previously on As I Am…**

 _The next afternoon, they're sitting in the black box theatre- Cat, Jade, Andre, then Beck- with their nine other cast mates. Ms. Rhodes has arranged the chairs in a semi-circle, which she stands at the mouth of._

" _I'm sure you're all anxious to find out what show we're doing, but first, as tradition states, I'm going to pass around this clipboard with a contract of sorts for you all to sign. This way I make sure I have everyone's word that we are keeping what show we're doing confidential." She hands the clipboard to Cat first, and once it's been hastily signed by every quivering hand in the room, Ms. Rhodes takes it back. "Awesome. Alright, I can tell you all are dying here, so without further adieu, Hollywood Arts' 2008 Advanced Musical is…"_

…

Chapter Six: Make Or Break Me (Part Three)

'She was as untouchable as the stars

but that didn't stop me from wishing.'

 _-Perry Poetry_

…

'Their eyes met, and in an instant, with an inexplicable,

only half conscious rush of emotion, they were in perfect communication.'

 _-F. Scott Fitzgerald_

…

"… _13!"_

 _Jade turns to Beck and smirks. The students erupt into chatter and applause until, after a moment, a beaming Ms. Rhodes gently hushes them._

" _Is everyone pretty familiar with the show?" she asks._

 _All the cast members nod, and a chorus of confirmation rings among them._

" _Who's playing who?" one boy speaks out._

" _Hold on, I'm getting there," Ms. Rhodes laughs. "I'm going to hand everybody their scripts. On the front page, there's a character list on which your character's name is highlighted. We're going to go around the circle; introduce yourself and tell us who you're playing and what you're most excited about doing for this show, whether it's character specific or just something general." She passes out the scripts, and Jade, being the second to get hers, flips it open with eager fingers to find out she's playing exactly the role she thought she thought she'd received. Her eyes flit to her friends' lists, and when Beck stares at her with a huge grin and mouths "what the hell?", she knows she was right about him, too._

 _Before too much chatter can erupt amongst the exuberant kids, Ms. Rhodes calls for attention. "Let's start with Cat," she says._

" _Okay, well, I'm Cat, but you already know that," she giggles. "So, I'm playing Charlotte, and I'm_ super _excited for this show because I get to sing lots of really high notes and 'cause Jade and I have been wanting to be in the advanced musical since we were in fifth grade. One time, we watched 13 on YouTube, and it was so funny, but-"_

" _Cat," Jade hisses, knowing exactly what story Cat is about to tell._

" _What? I was just saying…" Cat looks down, pouting._

" _Whatever. I'm Jade, I'm playing Lucy, and I'm just ready to finally get to curse on stage."_

" _Charming, isn't she?" Andre murmurs to Beck who just grins._

" _How ironic that_ she _plays the girl who starts a dirty rumor," the only member of Emily's Bitch Squad that has managed to slither her way into the musical mutters._

" _What did you say?" Jade begins to rise out of her seat only to be pulled back down by Andre._

" _Jade," Beck warns, but Ms. Rhodes cuts in before Jade can go ballistic._

" _Hannah, that was an unnecessary comment. Remember, I picked this cast, so I can change this cast."_

 _Hannah shuts up with a scowl, her cheeks hinting the tiniest bit of red, and Jade, despite looking as though she'd love nothing more than to cut off Hannah's long, blonde hair and strangle her with it, smirks._

" _My name is Andre." He speaks up to break the tension. Jade slides back down in her seat, arms crossed. "And I'm playing Eddie. I'm excited to sing Bad News, 'cause that was my favorite song when I saw it on Broadway."_

 _All eyes that aren't already focused on Beck turn to him._

" _Um, hey, I'm Beck. I'm playing Brett, and I guess skateboarding is cool." He sends a subtle glance to Jade, and her satisfied grin widens, but when her stomach seizes involuntarily the second their eyes lock, she wishes that feeling she gets every time he looks at her would stop. Somehow though, it resonates within her, and deep down, maybe it would be okay if that feeling stays forever. "But mostly I'm just excited because this is the first musical I've ever done, and I know I have a lot to learn, so thanks for letting me in." Jade's smile fades with a roll of her eyes. And of course everyone whispering about his precious first musical has to be hushed by Ms. Rhodes._

 _Introductions drone on for a few minutes, and Jade spends most of it picking at the black polish on her nails, though still listening intently. She decides she doesn't hate Mia, the girl who plays her character's best friend- at least yet. When Ms. Rhodes begins speaking again, Jade looks up._

" _We'll do a lot of character work here- I'll work with you in groups and one on one, and sometimes I may ask certain actors to stay late to work on something, which of course I'll let you know ahead of time. We'll be-"_

 _Jade's phone buzzes in her lap, pulling her attention from the director. The satisfied expression she's worn since the previous night melts off her face, and her eyebrows knit together._

…

 _To: Jade West_

 _From: Mom_

 _3:17 pm_

 _An emergency came up in NJ. Headed to the airport now- don't know how long I'll be gone. Your father is picking you up at 7 to stay with him, so make sure you and Eli are packed before then. Cat's mom is picking her up around 6. Be helpful with your brother, please. Love you both._

…

 _Jade's chest tightens, and she clenches her teeth to keep from screaming. When a sob threatens to choke at the back of her throat, she pushes it down, trying to focus on her director again. She wants nothing more than to put all her energy into this show so she can forget everything else._

 _Out of the corner of her eye, she catches a glimpse of Beck sending a worried glance in her direction, so she pointedly keeps her attention on Ms. Rhodes._

" _I want you all to create a basis for your character relationships this weekend by getting together with the actors you spend the most time with on stage. For example, Allie, you'll meet up with Adam and Ian individually, Jade with Beck and Mia, etcetera." Jade catches herself before her gaze can wander to Beck and simply nods in understanding at the director. Her fingernails are digging into her hands, once again breaking open the ever-healing skin of her palms._

 _When Ms. Rhodes finishes her speech ten minutes later, Jade knows the first thing Beck is going to do, but, thank God, she thinks, the director calls him over before he can even stand up._

 _While Cat is busies herself talking to Addison and Bitch Squared, who play Cassie and Molly, respectively, Jade slips away to wait for her outside. She's hardly been alone all week since Cat has been staying with her, and although she loves the girl, she can feel her body's tension release slightly the moment she's finally by herself. Just as she pulls out her journal…_

" _Jade?" someone calls._

 _She groans._

" _Look, you don't want me to interrupt you, I get that, but I'm pretty sure you take your acting just as seriously as I do and are willing to make sacrifices for the director's instructions," Mia says. She's shorter than Jade by about an inch, and her straight hair is styled in a way that suits her soft features well._

" _Fine. The library on Sunday."_

" _Works for me. What time?"_

" _Two."_

" _Here's my phone number." Mia hands Jade a slip of paper. "No, I'm not asking you on a date. That's just if plans change or whatever."_

 _A small smile finds its way onto Jade's stormy face. "Okay."_

 _When Cat finally makes her way out of the black box, Jade is anxious to leave before Beck finishes his conversation with Ms. Rhodes._

…

' _Well, I was right. We're doing 13, and I'm playing Lucy and Beck is playing Brett. And then my mom had to fucking go and ruin it. I don't fucking want to go over to his house. I won't do it. I'll stay in Cat's horrid pink room and let her brother wear my underwear on his head as much as he wants- but I'm not staying with my father.'_

…

' _Cat's brother is on some new medication and, long story short, I couldn't go over there tonight. Time for the worst weekend of my life. All I wanted was for just one fucking thing to go right and_ _stay_ _right. What's the point of trying to be happy if life comes back and knocks the wind out of you every time? And when you can finally breathe easy again, it just hits you harder. I've quarantined myself to "my" bedroom here, only it's just a guest room. Oh, and to make everything worse, I don't want to work with Beck. He sees right through me. And that is terrifying.'_

…

 **Long A/N, sorry: Hi, yes, I** _ **realize**_ **that 13 didn't exist on Broadway yet (it came to Broadway in late 2008) when this story takes place (January 2008), but I couldn't pass up the opportunity (haha) to put it in. For anyone who doesn't know what 13 is, it's the Broadway musical that started Liz and Ariana's careers, and I highly recommend it.**

 **I planned on posting the day after my last update, but there were some new developments in the storyline that I needed to sort out. Get excited ;)**

 **Please excuse any formatting errors. Some stuff (the email, mostly) got messed up in the last chapter, and my editing job may be crappy on this chapter since I'm in a blood draw place (for over two hours getting a glucose tolerance test, so fun) and they're alternating between blasting horrible country and the worst Christmas music. Hooray.**

 **I'm so glad this is the last flashback chapter. Let's all celebrate no more italics, yay!**

 **As always, thanks for your patience, and let me know what you think! Are you excited to see Jade, Andre, Cat, and Beck in 13?**

" **You people give me a rash."**

 **-Jade V.**


	7. Chapter Seven

**Hi I'm back and am so sorry I haven't updated in ALMOST TWO MONTHS God, Jade, get it together. I hope you enjoy this chapter of Bade :) But first, a refresher because it's been a while since I posted the first chapter…**

" _No," she snaps with the slam of her locker the second she notices his presence. She's grabbing her history textbook before first period only to find him hovering behind her, and while he still has yet to speak, she really doesn't want to hear it._

 _"I just wanted to talk to you about what Ms. Rhodes said at rehearsal yesterday," he says._

 _She ignores him and strides through the hall, long brown waves spilling down her back and around her shoulders._

 _"Hey!" He taps her shoulder, and she spins around with a glare at should have made him jump, run, scream, or cry. Maybe a combination of all four. However, he stands his ground._

 _"Never touch me." Her tone holds an ice that could send shivers up even the devil's spine._

 _He just continues, "Okay, I promise. But we have to do that assignment this weekend whether you like it or not. We're friends, right? For God's sake, we've eaten lunch together every day for the past six months and we play a couple in the play. You can't avoid me forever." While he doesn't move from his spot in front of her, he puts his hands at his side to show her the space she demanded, because if there's one thing he's determined never to be (well, besides an accountant), it's that kind of douche-bag._

 _"First of all, nobody's my friend. I don't like that word, and also I didn't ask you to sit at my table. You invited yourself there. Second of all, it's a musical, not a play. Learn your theatre terminology. And third, we'll talk about the assignment later." She catches herself before she can shift uncomfortably._ What can make him leave? _"But if you don't leave me alone, I'll string you from the ceiling by that stupid necklace you're always wearing."_

 _"Nah."_

 _"Excuse me?"_

 _"You wouldn't do that."_

Walk away, just walk away _. But dammit, she's stubborn too, maybe even more so than him, and refuses to give him the last word._

 _"You don't know me." She shakes her hair out of her face, pursing her lips as she crosses her arms._

 _"You'd lose your role," he carries on. "And as well as I think you'd fit in with the jail crowd, I think you'd find it creatively limiting in there."_

 _"Hm... Who's to say I'd get caught?" Her turquoise eyes shift, a mischievous glint replacing her previous glare. "But on the off chance that I did, somehow I don't think I would be lacking in creative ways to get rid of you, because something tells me you'd still find a way to bug me even after you were dead. I could glean lots of inspiration off my fellow prisoners, and maybe teach them a few things myself, because my brain already has a list of options that could wrap around the block. I suggest you watch your back and don't come near me again." Before he can argue, she marches away, and it's not until she's about to walk into history class that she realizes her hands are shaking, her heart is pounding, and her head is racing._

 _She sits at her desk, trying to calm down. In her black journal, she scribbles two sentences before the teacher walks in, thus beginning class._

 _..._

 _'Nobody here should be able to throw me off my game like that. Why does he always have to be so infuriating?'_

 _..._

Chapter Seven: The Art of Eye Contact (Part One)

"It's in the eyes

Always the eyes."

 _-K.A._

…

"Well, Beck said in C-"

"I don't care what Beck said. Look, I want you to be careful around that Hannah. She's a bi-" Jade clears her throat, "not nice person and is friends with people who can do some serious damage."

"I know what they did." Cat furrows her eyebrows. "And I don't like them."

Jade lowers her voice as they approach Andre and Beck in the cafeteria. "Good. Just… don't let yourself get hurt."

"Kay kay."

"Hey!" Andre greets.

"Hiii!" Cat exclaims.

"How was your morning?"

"My brother said he was going to swim to Hawaii because he wanted to do the hula and wear a grass skirt and then he had to be rescued from the ocean because he can't swim and almost got attacked by a dolphin."

Jade flinches, and Andre stares, dumbfounded at Cat. "You try to be polite…" he mutters under his breath.

Beck speaks up. "Jade refuses to talk about getting together with me this weekend to work on our characters."

"Why?" Andre asks.

Jade shrugs. "I don't like people in the morning."

"You don't like people ever," Beck muses.

"Good point. And I didn't refuse, Beck, I just didn't have time. I was running late to history class."

"But you had time to discuss your plans to hang me?"

"I always warn my victims before I strike. That way they die in imminent fear." She smirks.

"So morbid."

"Just now realizing it?"

Beck smiles. "Well, will you talk about it now?"

"We're not meeting at my house."

"Huh, I would have thought you'd want to take me to your lair so you could like, cut off my hair with your scissors and force feed it to me or something."

"Cute. But you're still not coming to my house."

"Why?"

"Because you're not ready for decapitation… yet."

"So comforting. Alright, we can meet at my house. I'll text you the address. Tomorrow afternoon work?"

"Whatever."

"So moody."

"Call me that one more time and you'll look like the hamburger on your plate sooner rather than later."

Beck holds his hands up in surrender and grins.

…

'What the fuck have I gotten myself into.'

…

Jade pushes her hair out of her face, stomping past a large RV parked in the Oliver's driveway. Halfway up the walk to the front door, she hears a voice call her name from behind her. Startled, Jade turns around to see Beck hopping out of the RV, though she quickly mellows her alarmed expression into one of confused annoyance before she thinks he can notice.

"What the hell are you doing in there?" Jade demands.

Beck shrugs. "Hanging out."

"Why in there? Don't you have, like, a bedroom or something like a normal teenager?" Jade questions, causing Beck to raise an eyebrow at her. "Not like that, you pervert."

Beck laughs. "My dad bought it from the rapper, you know, Fat Biscuit, for a family road trip we took last year. I've been slowly moving stuff in to make it my own personal hangout since we're done with it."

Jade snorts. "Are we going to stand out here talking about your odd not-living arrangements or..."

"Right. Come in."

Jade follows him into the RV, taking in the array of empty lemonade cans on a makeshift coffee table, the mess of pillows and two blankets thrown on the couch, and the guitar chords tangled near a display of one electric and two acoustic guitars. Picks and sheet music lie scattered amidst the cans and, hanging on the wall above the guitar paraphernalia, is a lone ukulele.

"Did you tell your mom that you were having someone over today?"

"Uh, no. Why?"

"Because it's a mess in here."

"It's a creative mess!" Beck argues.

"No, it's just a mess."

"I've been busy. Look, I'm really glad you decided to come."

She sighs impatiently, avoiding eye contact at all costs because God forbid he do something fucking cliche like try to stare into her soul. "Whatever."

"I see yesterday's mood carried over into today."

"I will walk right back down that driveway."

"I'm kidding," he assures her.

 _No, he isn't._

Beck continues,"Do you have your character analysis worksheet?"

"No, Beck." He picks up on her sarcasm, thankfully for his sake.

"Right. I have to find mine…" He pulls a box out from under the coffee table and begins digging through its contents, piling papers around him in the most un-orderly fashion.

"Beck, what the hell? We got these yesterday, and you already lost it?"

"Didn't lose it. I put it away."

"Good God." As Beck continues rummaging around in what looks like garbage to Jade, she spots a bright yellow notebook sticking out of one of the piles. She eyes it for a moment before picking it up, a smirk slowly spreading across her face.

"What's this?" she asks, and his head snaps up.

"Hey, give me that!" As he pops up to snatch at it, Jade tucks it behind her back.

"Not until you tell me what it is."

"It's my journal, give it back!"

"I wonder what kind of stuff goes on in Beck's head…" Jade cocks her own head to the side with a grin and continues to hold the journal out of reach.

"Jade, I swear to God, if you don't give me that right now..."

"Must be pretty private if you don't want me even holding it."

"You don't see me grabbing the journal you're always writing in," he retorts.

"You don't see me leaving my journal lying unsupervised in plain sight," she fires back.

"It was in the box for a reason!"

"Then you shouldn't have taken it out."

"Please just give it back!" he begs.

"As long as I get to read it one day."

"So you're planning on staying friends with me, then?" his reaching hand lowers slightly, and a smug look settles across his face.

"Friends is a strong word. But unfortunately for me, you're like a pesky fly who keeps buzzing about everywhere you're most certainly unwelcome."

"You don't get to read my journal someday if you're going to have that attitude."

"Fine. Then you're not getting it back."

"Jade." He gives her a warning look, but his desperation is fading as he realizes there's no prying it from her hands without things getting _very_ awkward, and he's not in the mood to obliterate whatever ounce of glee has suddenly entered Jade by breaking yesterday's promise to 'never touch her.'

"I like to hold it," she asserts.

"Weirdo."

"I'm sorry, _I'm_ the weirdo? You're the one with a _yellow_ journal."

"Yellow is a valid color," Beck argues, looking mildly offended. "And you're the one holding that yellow journal when it's not even yours!"

"Of course not. I would never associate anything from my mind with something so repulsive… but it wigs you out, so I'll suffer through it just for your distress. Now, aren't you supposed to be looking for the worksheet that you somehow managed to lose in less than twenty four hours so we can actually get to our assignment?" A complacent expression paints across her features.

"Rude."

"Slacker."

"Honestly Jade, do you just like to pick fights for fun?" He's back to searching through messy piles of papers, glancing up at her grip on his journal every couple seconds.

"So what if I do?" she shrugs, the smirk never having left her face.

"That's messed up."

"Hey, you're the one who fights back." She settles down on the floor near him, but just out of reach. "Oh my God Beck, if you don't stop looking up to make sure I'm not reading your damn journal every .3 seconds, this will take all year, and we're not even two weeks into January. I made a deal; I'm not just going to throw it out the window." Ten seconds and three more glances later, Jade lets out a groan of frustration. "Here! I'll set it down." The journal lands with a resounding thud on the coffee table. "Happy?"

Beck retrieves the journal. "Very." Only moments later, after continuing his shuffling through his crumpled 'garbage', he exclaims, "Found it!"

"Great. Obviously we need to know our own characters before we can do the relationship work part. Do you have anything so far for Brett?"

"Well, he's good looking, popular, gets all the girls… shall I go on?" His impish grin causes Jade to roll her eyes.

"Move past the obvious, you shallow asshole."

"Okay okay. Deep do- Wait, did you just say I'm good looking?"

Jade's face flushes. "I… I meant the… the character is supposed to be… the actor…" But there is no backtracking on what she's said. Beck turns to face her, and he studies her as if every word she stutters is the most fascinating thing ever spoken.

"Does Jade West think I'm good-looking?"

"I will flip this RV over with you in it," she glares, scraping at attempts to pull herself back together.

"Fine fine… I won't tell anybody."

"I wasn't kidding about the RV," Jade warns.

"Please, your skinny little arms could not flip this thing if they tried."

"I have my ways."

"Oh really?"

"Do I have the face of a liar?"

He smirks, locking hold of her eyes with his. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

…

They sit side by side, backs pressed against the couch, table pushed away. Their two open scripts are spread across their laps, and Jade glances at Beck out of the corner of her eye. It's the first significant moment of silence since she arrived over an hour ago, and she's not going to be the one break it.

He's absorbed enough in what he's doing that he doesn't seem to notice she has long since stopped writing. As he stares at his paper, lost in thought, Jade observes the way he bites the end of his pen and taps his foot. He's rarely still, she realizes, and she wonders how it has been lost to her for so long.

"Do you have another pen? Mine's out of ink."

She blinks, her mind coming back into focus as Beck shakes his empty pen slightly as though trying revive its use.

She grabs her bag from beside her and removes her water bottle and journal in search of that stray pen she _knows_ is buried down there somewhere.

"Here," she says upon retrieving it.

"Thanks."

While Beck finishes scribbling, Jade pretends she's not studying the way he bites his lip in concentration or the way his hair flops down over his eyes.

 _God, what is he doing to me? This is so fucking pathetic._

"Is this good?" he asks, handing Jade his paper. She takes it, reading through his scrawled handwriting.

"Yeah, that sounds good, but I think that maybe- Beck!" Her thoughtful ramble turns into a screech when she looks up to see him holding none other than her black journal. "Give it back!"

"You should have known I would grab it. After all, you left it lying in plain sight."

"Give it to me!"

"I like to hold it," he quotes her earlier words.

"Give it!"

"I wonder what kind of stuff goes on in Jade's head…"

"Beck, I swear to God."

"Shhh, you're interrupting my quiet evening plans. I want to read in peace."

"I will fight you for it." She cocks her head to the side with a menacing glare.

"I'm just returning fear you put me through," he counters.

He's being far too calm about this, she thinks, and if she could physically claw the devilish grin off his face, she would.

"You want to feel fear?" With more grace than one should have while wearing combat boots, she lunges at him in attempt to snatch her journal back.

Beck laughs hysterically as he falls onto his back, journal above his head in one hand, using his feet to try to keep Jade, who's leaning over him in desperation, from reaching it.

"You're not getting it back," he taunts.

"Give. It." Her glare could penetrate steel.

"What's the magic word?"

"No!"

"That's not the magic word," he chides.

"I'm not giving you a magic word. That's stupid!"

"Magic word," he demands against her struggles.

"This is _so_ childish, for God's sake, you're almost fourteen," she huffs, still flailing to reach her journal.

"I–

Neither hear the RV door rattle open until a curvy woman with thick, tumbling hair stands in front of them, putting a quick end to their near wrestling.

"Mom," Beck breathes.

 **A/N: If anyone was confused about anything at all, please feel free to ask. My PM box is always open :)**

 **I got a little distracted this morning by LIZ AND ARI'S COVER OF TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME oh my god I gasped so loud when I saw it I almost woke up the baby. Please excuse me while I die.**

 **Thank you all for reading! As always, please review and let me know what you think. I love hearing from you.**

 **My Twitter is jadevalen_ if you want to witness my insanity ;)**

" **If you don't take your hands off me in the next two seconds, you won't have hands."**

 **-Jade**


	8. Chapter Eight

**Hello, yes, I'm alive. I have spent my absence being completely and devastatingly uninspired, so I would like to request that you please don't murder me for my lack of updates. It's been a rough couple of months. But I'm back! Thank you for your patience. Now, FINALLY, here is the long awaited chapter eight.**

" _This is so childish, for God's sake, you're almost fourteen," she huffs, still flailing to reach her journal._

" _I—_

 _Neither hear the RV door rattle open until a curvy woman with thick, tumbling hair stands in front of them, putting a quick end to their near wrestling._

" _Mom," Beck breaths._

…

Chapter Eight: The Art of Eye Contact (Part Two)

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."

 _-Carl Jung_

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt something?"

Beck and Jade both scramble upright, fixing their clothes and hair.

"Um, no. Uh, this is Jade. She's in the advanced musical with me. We were just doing an… acting exercise. Um…"

"The goal was to get more comfortable with each other since our characters are pretty close," Jade covers with ease. Beck gives her a brief look of surprise, and she prays her uncomfortable shifting isn't as visible as she thinks. Thankfully, Beck appears equally as mortified by his mother's abrupt intrusion.

Mrs. Oliver's expression remains unamused. "I see. Can I speak to you outside for a minute, Beck?"

"Um, sure." He stands and follows his mother out the door, sending a desperate glance in Jade's direction.

 _Beck Oliver? Desperate? Damn… I should have gotten a picture for blackmail._

As soon as Mrs. Oliver cracks the door shut behind them, Jade's racing mind gears into overdrive.

"That was the worst possible first impression you could have made. Great work, Jade," she mutters to herself as she begins pacing up and down the RV, slipping her thumbs out the holes she'd cut in her sleeves and letting the fabric ride up her wrists. Her nails dig into her palms and send sharp pain signals to her distracted brain.

 _Wait, why do I suddenly care what some random kid's mom thinks of me? Does he even count as a 'random kid' anymore? Fucking pathetic. I've got to get out of here. I could just escape right now and— shit! There's no back door in this damn metal garbage can._

Thoughts swarm her head, and Beck's outside argument with his mother interweaves with her mental battle while—

 _Wait, they're arguing?_

Jade slows her footsteps as she approaches the door just near enough to hear clearly.

"What did I tell you about having girls over?" Mrs. Oliver speaks.

"I swear we weren't doing anything. It was just homework."

"You're not mature enough to make those kinds of decision yet," she continues as though not having heard him. "I need you to prove your independence before you do adult things."

"I've been working since I was ten, Mom, I really don't think—"

"Listen to me. You live under my roof—"

"You live by my rules, I know," Beck finishes.

"Your father and I are going out tonight. You can order a pizza for dinner. Finish your homework as soon as possible, please."

If anything else is said after that, Jade doesn't hear it.

She moves quickly to the other side of the RV, sitting on the floor just in time as the door slams open. Jade looks up from her innocent phone scrolling.

When Beck collapses onto the couch above her with annoyance and frustration radiating off of him, she turns to face him. There has never been a more awkward silence between the two of them.

"Look where your antics got us." She breaks the tension because dear God, somebody needs to wipe the piteous puppy dog expression off that boy's face.

" _My_ antics?" he questions.

She shrugs. "You started this madness."

"How did _I_ start it?" Despite his embarrassment and exasperation, a small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

"I think you're forgetting something." She holds her hand out with a knowing look.

"Oh right, here," Beck says, placing the black journal back in Jade's possession.

"Yeah yeah, now go fall off a cliff or something," she mutters. Her eyes fall to her lap where she quickly tucks her thumbs back in her sleeves, and Beck looks away for a moment before speaking into the sudden silence.

"Sorry… about all that. My parents are a little…" He pauses.

"Strict?"

"Yeah."

"It's okay."

He fidgets with his rings and bounces his foot up and down subconsciously, as though he's mulling over something in his head.

Her guard is slipping; she can feel her walls beginning to give way, so before prying words can escape Beck's mouth, Jade begins to gather up her script and tuck her belongings back in her bag. "Well, I think we did what we needed to do, so I should probably get going. My dad has a business dinner, and the nanny he's hired for my brother is insufferable, so wish me luck." She breaks the vulnerable silence.

"Then stay," Beck says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. He seems to have snapped out of his thoughtful daze.

"What?" Halfway up with her knees pressed into the carpet, Jade stops moving to glance at him tentatively.

 _Don't you fucking dare give into your stupid feelings._

"My parents are going out, obviously. You're going to be miserable with your brother's nanny, and I'm just going to end up watching Full House reruns. So… stay?"

"You watch Full House?" Jade doesn't even try to cover the judgment in her tone.

"…Yeah?"

"Every assumption I've ever had about you has just been confirmed."

He mocks flattery. "You had assumptions about me?"

"More like one assumption."

"Which is?"

"You're a total pansy."

"You have no proof of that," Beck says defensively.

"Oh no, did I damage your male ego?" Jade's tone is sickly sweet.

"If I admit it…" he pauses, and it takes everything in Jade not to slap his self-righteous face, "will you stay?"

"As much as I'd love to hear you admit your lack of manliness, it'd make you happy if I stayed, so I'll just stick with my original plan and go." Much to Beck's apparent dismay, she continues gathering her things.

 _He's trying way too hard. I have to get out of here. Now._

"Come on, please?" His eyes subtly solicit pity.

 _Disgusting._

She tries to avert her attention, but something pushes her best judgment aside.

 _Why is it always the fucking eyes?_

She sighs and plops down on the couch next to him, though still a safe distance away. Her binder thuds to the ground. "Ugh, fine!" she groans.

"You're staying?" His eyes light up.

"Whatever, I'll stay. But I am _not_ watching Full House." Leaning forward, she grabs the water bottle from her bag and takes a sip.

"What's wrong with Full House?"

" _Everything_ ," she emphasizes. "Expect an essay with my list of reasons on Monday."

"Okay?" he says, and Jade smirks because nothing is better than leaving people flustered and confused.

 _Okay, leaving them terrified might be the best, but this is a close second._

Beck changes the subject. "You know, I don't think you've ever actually talked about your dad before."

Immediately, Jade stiffens.

 _This was such a mistake. He's already talking about the crap I wanted to avoid._

"There's a very specific reason for that, and you don't need to know it," she snaps.

 _Shit shit shit shit—_

He nods. "I'll respect that."

 _Oh._

"…So, what are we doing?" she asks, still on edge and suddenly self conscious. Beck stands, taking a few steps away from the couch.

"Well, I can order pizza soon, but in the meantime," he turns to face Jade, "want to play Bananagrams?"

"What?" She scrunches her nose up.

"You've never played Bananagrams?"

"I've played Scrabble, like a civilized human being."

"Come on, it's fun." His pouting brown eyes seem to pull strings in Jade's mind, because her mouth is forming an unexpected answer.

"Alright alright. But if I hate it, I'm quitting."

 _What the fuck is happening here?_

"You're not going to hate it." He stands, adjusting his clothes and flipping his hair in that most obnoxious way he always does. She rises to her feet as well, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Somehow, you saying that makes me think I will."

"You're the master of words," Beck replies, reaching into a cabinet to pull out the yellow bag containing the game, "so you'll probably win."

"Probably? Beck, you have the vocabulary of a naked mole rat."

He lets out a stifled chuckle. "Why a _naked_ mole rat?"

"Because they're ugly," she defends.

"Because they're naked." He smirks, and she rolls her eyes.

"God help me, where's the holy water…"

"I thought vampires didn't like holy water."

"They don't, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice."

"Don't sacrifice me. You'll miss my face."

"Hardly," Jade retorts.

"Remember that time a couple hours ago when you called me attractive?"

She twists the cap of her water bottle open threateningly. "Cleanse yourself of sinful thoughts," she demands, and though her tone is joking, it still manages to hold an iciness behind it.

"Ah, yes, because Jade West is one for having the most Godly, holy mind."

In one motion, she sends a stream of water at Beck, hitting him above his left eye.

"Hey! Watch the hair!" he exclaims, shaking his head and brushing water off his face.

"You got what you deserved." Jade's face twitches as she tries her best to bite back laughter and remain smug.

"I was only kidding! I take it all back."

"You weren't kidding until I messed with your precious hair."

Beck changes the subject. "Are we going to play or not?"

"Damn it, I thought I'd avoided it."

He begins to clear off the coffee table, throwing the garbage into a pile on the ground and tossing the guitar paraphernalia into the corner. "It's going to take more than some probably spit infested 'holy water' to distract me."

"Everything distracts you," Jade says as Beck dumps the Bananagrams tiles out onto the table. "Okay, so how do you play?"

…

"I win!" Jade declares exactly four minutes and 29 seconds after they begin.

"This was definitely not fair. You got all the easy tiles!" he argues.

"There are no easy tiles, Beck. All letters form words."

"I kept getting x's and z's and no vowels."

"Bad luck," she shrugs. "It's probably the holy water. I cursed it, you know."

"So unholy water."

"Whatever you want to call it, your hair is still wet, and I annihilated you in Bananagrams."

"So humble, this one," Beck mutters.

"It's not my fault you don't know how to spell above a second grade level."

"Stop insulting my lack of literary knowledge."

"Cut the scholarly bullshit; you're fooling nobody but yourself," Jade opposes.

"I'm proving I'm not as dumb as you think."

"Incompetence is not a good look on you." Jade shakes her head in false contempt.

"As far as I know, I have the same brain I had two hours ago when you said I was good looking," he counters with a smirk.

 _If he brings that up one more time…_

"Don't you at least want your body to be found after I kill you?" Jade offers.

"Not if it'd out you for your crime."

"Your thoughtfulness doesn't lessen your chances of a shortened life," Jade says, and Beck begins flipping the remaining game tiles from the draw pile face up. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"Coming in second place." He grins at her cockily.

"Cheater."

"It's called strategy," he argues.

"It's called being a sore loser." She watches him rearrange his tiles, trying to fit together the letters like a puzzle. "You know, if you used longer words, you'd have more to build off of."

"I'm writing one!" he insists.

"No, you wrote _cat_ which is just weird."

"I'm writing _catastrophe_ , Jade, not _cat_."

"Dear god, how are you ever going to figure out how to spell it?"

"I know how to spell it," Beck defends.

"I'm Beck, I know how to spell big words!" Jade mocks him, her voice dropping a few octaves and dripping with sarcasm. Beck rolls his eyes, continuing to add on letters until he finishes the word. As she looks over his craftsmanship, Jade tries to hold in her laugh, but before she can gain enough control to censor herself, it comes tumbling out of her lips. "Are you fucking high? That spelling is the real catastrophe. C-A-T-A-S-T-R-A-F-Y?" Jade spells out. "I don't think so."

"You know, you could stop laughing."

"We're leaving the word exactly like that so it can stare at you in shame."

"Must everything you say be hurtful?"

She pauses, pretending to think it over. "Yes."

"Good to know."

Silence falls as Beck continues sliding the tiles around in attempt to form a puzzle of words. Without thinking, Jade reaches over to help, causing Beck to look up at her curiously for a moment. The energy between them is as ever changing as Jade's mood swings.

"I want a dog," Beck says abruptly, arranging his tiles to complete the word. "A Rottweiler."

Jade nods and examines the options on the table. "I want a bunny."

"A bunny?"

"Hell yeah."

"Why?"

"I like bunnies."

"Jade West likes bunnies?" He nearly laughs.

"They're cute!" she argues.

"You're losing your credibility as 'tough girl' by the second."

"I brought my scissors with me."

"When will you learn that you don't scare me?"

"And I will not hesitate to use them on your hair."

"…That's my cue to stop talking."

"Oh look," she smirks, "you're finally catching on."

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:29 pm

Why the hell do you have a ukulele?

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:30 pm

Ha! I knew you'd text first.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:30 pm

Bullshit. You're ignoring my question.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:31 pm

Because I play the ukulele.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:31 pm

Do all the girls at school know how big of a dork you are?

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:31 pm

To be honest, I don't think they really know anything about me.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:32 pm

For someone apparently so open, you've got a lot of secrets.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:32 pm

Not secrets. I just don't like to make a big deal out of things.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:32 pm

Why?

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:33 pm

Everyone makes a big deal out of things for me.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:34 pm

Conceded asshole.

9:36 pm

*one image attachment*

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:36 pm

Why did you send me a picture of a llama?

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:36 pm

Because he has better hair than you, and your ego could use some taming.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:36 pm

That llama's hair is a catastrophe.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:37 pm

Hey, look who learned a new word today!

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:37 pm

I can HEAR your condescending tone.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:37 pm

Oh my god, another one? In the right context? God must be real.

9:38 pm

How much did autocorrect have to help you spell those words?

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:38 pm

I cannot believe how little you think of me.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:38 pm

You make it so easy.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:39 pm

Oh God, you're already quoting your character.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:39 pm

You'd better get used to it.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:40 pm

You know, I don't think I would ever dye the tips of my hair auburn. It's not a good look on anybody, including your demented llama.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:40 pm

You're too big a wuss to ever do anything interesting with your hair.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:42 pm

Again with the wimp thing? My hair is my best feature. Why would I put myself at risk of it looking like that llama's?

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:42 pm

If your hair looked like the llama's, it would be an improvement.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

To: Jade West

9:43 pm

You know, you say these things like you didn't accidentally call me hot earlier.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:44 pm

I would sleep with one eye open tonight if I were you.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:44 pm

…Why?

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:45 pm

I have an electric razor.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:46 pm

Sneaking over to my house already? Scandalous.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:46 pm

You sound like a poorly written sitcom every time you speak.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:46 pm

Stop making fun of Full House! It's a good show.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:47 pm

You have the worst taste.

9:48 pm

Wanna prove you're not a total pansy?

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:48 pm

I don't know why I STILL have to prove my manliness, but okay?

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:49 pm

Because you play the ukulele, have a YELLOW journal, and watch cheesy 90s sitcoms, Beck. Keep up.

9:50 pm

Take me to see The Scissoring on opening night.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:50 pm

Isn't that the new movie coming out about the girl who murders her friends with scissors?

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:51 pm

Yes, based on my favorite book.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:51 pm

So THAT'S why you like scissors so much.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:51 pm

Stop avoiding the question.

Wuss.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:52 pm

Sure.

I'll go.

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:52 pm

You have a month to prepare yourself.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:52 pm

You act like I've never seen a horror movie before.

9:53 pm

Do you not remember that I don't get scared?

…

To: Beck Oliver

From: Jade West

9:54 pm

Electric razor.

…

To: Jade West

From: Beck Oliver

9:54 pm

Shutting up.

…

Jade tosses her phone aside and finishes scribbling the day's events in her journal. She pauses, distractedly biting the end of her pen before adding a final sentence to the bottom of the page.

…

'If I ever do something stupid like fall in love, I hope they're not comfortable being a complete asshole.'

…

 **I don't even know what this chapter is. The llama picture is posted on my Twitter (jadevalen_) if anyone is curious lol. And for reference, Bananagrams is slightly like Scrabble. The reason I chose this game will become clear VERY far in the future ;)**

 **Please leave a review and let me know what you all thought! I love hearing from you and am always open to constructive criticism.**

" **I don't want anyone who's cool to see me like this!"**

 **-Jade**


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